Hearts revival (a follow up from the North and South tale)

will you be mine 19

A few day later I receive an invitation from John. He would like to take me out into the countryside. It is a sweet idea and I would very much like to go.  The children beg me to take them along but I explain to them that this is a very special outing John would like to go on just with me but I promise them that I will take them to this very same destination another time. I am rather nervous just before he is due to arrive.

I have chosen a warm dark blue dress simple in its making, with a matching sky blue cape. After all, we are going to be outdoors and we've had some colder days already. I am finished long before he arrives. Mary has done my hair, I think three times only then she was completely satisfied. She has been entertaining me with some very dotty ideas of why John is taking me to the countryside. I had to blush quite a few times!

I have not the faintest idea about half of the things she mentioned. In a way, that frightens me. I am very inexperienced in certain areas, born a daughter of aristocracy I have to protect my innocence. It can be very damaging to a families name if this is not maintained. Well in my case, I have also never had the desire to venture further into these affairs. Until now....thinking about John in this way makes me feel very odd, I feel a strange pull in areas of my body, I have not yet felt before. It is making me feel restless in a way. 

John comes to fetch me with a carriage, with warm blankets waiting for me inside. The whole time I have been aware that I will be alone with him for some considerable time and after all that unnerving talk about... I can not voice it... I felt increasingly shy but I'm also excited and happy, having a whole day ahead alone with John seems like heaven to me. John places a kiss on Mary's hand just before we go which makes her giggle. I can not help but smile, that was very sweet of him and it is really heart-warming to see Mary in good spirits. And then we are on our way. 

John is sitting opposite me, smiling, I wonder if he feels anything as insecure as I do, I'm suddenly lost for words. He tells me about the place we're going to, apparently there is an old watermill and a few smaller waterfalls, that are worth a visit. I can't wait to see it. Thankfully, this conversation has also helped me to feel a little more at ease.

A short while later we arrive at our destination. From here we just have to walk a little while to get to the old mill. The carriage will be awaiting us when we get back, John has paid the driver a full day's wage. I'm moved by his effort. 

It is so wonderful to be walking with John. The sun is unusually warm for an autumn day, perhaps even a little humid, it is perfect for our outing. Everything appears beautiful, the trees, the fields, the stream we're following, I know why tho, it's because I'm here with him. I look at John from the side as we stroll along, I can't believe how blessed I am. 

It occurs to me suddenly, that I never ask him what happened to his mill. I think I'm generally avoiding the subject because it stirs too many painful emotions. I feel very shallow for not wanting to face up to the fact that so much suffering had been caused. "John," I ask him, "Now that the mill is no longer, what are you going to do instead?" 

"I shall no further work with cotton!" he sounds adamant, "having had to witness a fire of this destructive measure twice, I can not see myself carry on in the cotton business. Also, cotton from England is no longer in demand and we were bearably making enough to pay all the workers and still make a small turnover. So I have been investigating, I want something where I can employ as many workers as possible. Unfortunately, I haven't found anything that fulfills my requirements yet." I love the way he thinks about the workers! He is such a fine man.

"Thankfully Margaret has left me a substantial amount of money so that I can take my time to investigate further." The mentioning of Margaret is like a small stab to my heart. I don't think he knows, It dampens my joy suddenly. It still pains me to think that John has loved before. Maybe he even loves her still and he just sort of loves me too. But what if Margarete was suddenly here, who would he choose? He did notice my sudden heartache and so he turns towards me: "Elizabeth, look at me," he half demands, "I can not help but think that you may be troubled by the past and with that I mean my past. It is true that I loved Margaret but then you came into my life and you have brought nothing but light. When I'm with you I feel joy and peace. I love you and you only now, my sweet Elizabeth," I can not help but tear up. I have to embrace him. "Thank you, John," I manage to bring out. 

He smiles at me and then he kisses me but this kiss soon takes on a nature that has me go soft in my knees and that makes me feel that strange yearning yet again. 

Suddenly it starts to rain, heavily. The mill is insight so we run as fast as we can. Minutes later we reach the mill, I can't help but laugh, I feel so immensely electrified. We're pretty soaked now mind. John moves towards me and practically pulls me towards him so that our lips meet yet again, as hard and passionate as before. His breathing is erratic. I can not believe my own response, I have never felt a desire so strong before. 

Then John pulls away, reluctantly but also deliberately. "No," he says, his voice still hoarse, "I did not bring you here to entice you," he almost seems angry with himself, "Elizabeth forgive me, my intentions were of pure nature!" 

"John," I breath, full of unanswered need, "I don't mind.... on the contrary," I am behaving like a wanton! But his lips do not return. 

"No Elizabeth, I brought you to this place because of its beauty, I felt this place to be the perfect venue for..." He did not finish his sentence. He turns to look outside, the sun has actually returned, the rain shower had only been for a few minutes. He takes my hand and guides me to the stream. One small waterfall after the other creates a magnificent scenery. The rocks near the water are covered in moss and now that the sun is shining again, it reflects on the water creating a display of light with sparkles and shine. It is indeed breathtaking. 

John kneels down in front of me and I know immediately what he is about to do. I can not help but cry as he draws out of his pocket a small velvet box and presents me with a silver ring, in its center a small diamond. "Will you marry me, Elizabeth," he asks. I think he already knows that I will say yes. 

"I will John , I wish for nothing more." He looks overjoyed. 

"Now this was the reason why I brought you here!" He smiles.