Broken Until Him

Chapter 6 ~ Trust

'I have always had trust issues. I can usually say, just by looking at the way someone acts, if I can trust this person or not.

But not a lot of people are trustworthy. Most of them just want to listen to you so they will have gossip to tell. Others will tell you 'you can trust me, I won't judge you'. But let's be honest, even though people won't say it aloud, it doesn't mean that they aren't judging you.

You can see it in their eyes, and by the way their expression switches. My past is something I will never talk about because I'm afraid. Afraid of people's reactions : will they gossip or will they judge me ?'

My alarm goes off and I yawn, wanting desperately to go back - or at least go - to sleep. I stretch out my legs, painful from the awful night I've spent. A shiver runs down my spine as I push aside the blanket, the cold air hitting me. I stand up and walk towards the bathroom. It's quite little but enough for me. I undress quickly and step in the shower. The hot water runs down my face and my whole body, and I close my eyes, concentrating on relaxing my muscles one by one. Once I'm done showering, I wrap myself in a towel and stand in front of the mirror. My eyes are puffy from the lack of sleep.

I've barely slept. Memories have flooded my mind all night, making it impossible for me to fall asleep.

I saw her behind my closed eyes, her long brown curls falling in her back. I remember when we were younger, we used to play on the swing for hours, always trying to go higher than the other. I remember when we were hanging out after high school, going to the coffee shop and talking until it was dark outside. I remember every single moment I've spent with her.

I brush my teeth and grab my make up bag. I apply a thin layer of concealer to hide the dark bag under my eyes and then apply some mascara to make my eyes look less puffy. I dry my hair with the towel and get dressed.

As I go back to my room, I hear the front door close. My mother already left for her office. Her work takes most of her time so she's barely at home.

As I take my school bag from the bedroom's floor, I scan the room to see if I didn't forget anything. My eyes set on the thin paper placed on my desk.

Hashley's letter.

I haven't opened it yet. Every time I touch it, I can feel my body and mind become numb, all strength leaving me. The only thing I can feel is the tear flowing down my face, quickly followed by another one.

I walk towards the desk, my eyes still glued to the paper that causes a thousand questions in my head.
I can't leave the letter here. Not that my parents could find it, they are practically never home. But I get the feeling that this paper could disappear at anytime. As insignificant a piece of paper may be for some people, this one means the world to me. And losing it would vanish every bit of a chance to understand why. Why she left.

I carefully place the letter in my notebook, the one where I write all the things I think about since the day that broke my life.

Putting my bag on my shoulder, I exit the room, preparing myself mentally for the school day that's coming.

* * *

I walk into the cafeteria, the noise of the hundreds of people talking and laughing fills my ears. I take a tray and wait patiently until it's my turn to pick my food. I pay for it and scan the room to find a free table.

Instead, my eyes meet Nathan's. He's sitting at an empty table, probably waiting for somebody. He looks uncomfortable when he sees me, maybe even worried.

What's wrong?

As I'm about to go and say hi to him, a group of teenagers walks to the table, filling every seats but one. They are loud, much more than any other students in the cafeteria, but nobody seems to mind about that.

Nathan is still looking at me, ignoring his friends who try to get his attention. But I look away when I hear all the girls sitting at the table cheering. I turn to look at who they are cheering and I almost drop the tray I'm holding.

Aaron is walking towards the table, a crooked grin on his face. He directly sits by Nathan, nudging him and laughing hard.

Nathan, still uncomfortable, laughs with him, but I can see that he is just faking so Aaron won't ask any question.

Of course...

I should have known. I should have paid more attention. I should have kept quiet. I should have rejected Nathan harder. I should have...

But here again, everything is my fault. I can only blame myself for trusting him. Every bit of confidence vanishes as I look at the two boys : the one I had trusted and the one that made hurtful memories resurface.

Both of them hurt me in a short time, but those people upset me because I allowed them to, because I'm not strong enough.

I walk to the back of the cafeteria, towards a little white table where nobody's sitting. I put my tray on it and sit down so my back is facing the table where Nathan and Aaron are sitting.

From now on, I will never trust anybody but myself.

~

A/N

Hello !

So what do you think about Nathan now? Still a nice guy?

Special thanks for nanoseconds who's the greatest friend I have here, on Wattpad. She's amazing, so please go and check her books! My favorite is Remnants.

Don't forget to vote, comment and share!

XXX
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