Mute (ImmortalFox)

Chapter 9

Trigger Warning: Please don't read this if you don't think you can handle it. There's no actual self harm, but words used may hurt.

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When you get home, you hop up onto your computer to see only Steven and Jordan online. You message them both a quick hello and click onto YouTube. You didn't wanna seem pushy, so you laid back a second. Stupid videos could occupy your mind for awhile.

*Kootra: Sorry, but I don't really remember you. Alex was it? You didnt talk much...*

*ImmortalHD: Haha, it's cool. And my name's Aleks. With the ks. And yeah, I don't talk :p*

*Kootra: My bad...

Why dont you talk? You just shy or...*

*ImmortalHD: That's not what I mean. I'm actually a voluntary mute. I don't talk at all....*

*Kootra: Isn't that hard? Why don't you talk? I couldn't go a day without talking*

You sighed. He was one of 'those' people. The ones that questioned your silence.

*ImmortalHD: I'd rather not talk about it... Family stuff...*

*Kotra: Sorry to hear... I've had alot of trouble too. My grandma passed away recently... :-/ but I didn't let her death hold me back. I've recovered :3*

Was he trying to help you? Did he think you were depressed? Oh. You understood..

He pitied you.

*ImmortalHD: Oh... My mom... And I'm perfectly fine. I've recovered.*

*Kootra: Oh okay. But you should really talk. keeping your feelings bottled up isn't really good*

Who did this guy think he was? Thinking you're some troubled teen...

*ImmortalHD: Thanks for your concern, but I'm perfectly fine.... Life's great*

*Kootra: You sure? Make sure you're living your life to the fullest*

'Were you sure?' you sat back and thought.

No, you weren't.

Who the fuck were you kidding?

You closed your laptop and climbed into bed without replying, it was only 4:37 pm.

~~~~~

'Was life even worth it?'

You had contemplated this question many times before, sometimes the answer was no.

You tore off the covers and walked to the bathroom. You couldn't sleep.

Sitting on the edge of your tub, you pinched the razor blade between your fingers. This hadn't been the first time. You had tried this a couple times before. The worst only being waking up with a stained shirt and many texts from Eddie. To this day he still doesn't know. You're too weak. You're too sad. You're too unwanted.

Before you can drag the sharp edge across your ankles and open the semi-healed scars, you hear Skype go off. You were getting a call. Your phone in your pocket buzzed moments after.

Sighing, you put down the blade and stood up. You ignored the call on Skype, not even checking who it was. Pulling out your phone, you saw it was Eddie.

*Come join Skype! The guys are all on again.*

You delete the text and looked up at your wall. There were four framed pictures but only one crossed your mind.

It was a picture of your family from years ago. Your mom stood with your dad, each of them holding your hand as a toddler. Your family was so happy. So carefree.

That was years before she passed. Years before he changed. Years before you changed.

All that picture held was lies.

You threw your phone as hard as you could at the bathroom wall. It looked broken, but you couldn't be sure.

You began to silently cry; the tears fell slowly down the side of your face and pooled at your chin. You didn't wipe them away. They deserved a chance to fall.

Moments later, you heard a knock on your bathroom door.

'Who the hell was it?'

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I don't like this chapter. It was hard to write.

It's not that I don't like sad stuff (the sad dramatic stuff is my favorite), but it's just not sad enough. It doesn't seem dramatic.....

Well. I'll probably update again Sunday :) If not, Monday.

And I apologize for the next chapter's stupidity. I don't really like that chapter either. DON'T WORRY, ImmortalFox will be there by chapter 12.

Thanks for reading!

Love you all! <3

~ Mapsie