Dreaming

Chapter 9

Tris's POV

"I don't understand," I pace back and forth in the apartment bedroom, "Tobias, how?" My voice cracks. I feel tears threatening to spill.

After Tobias finally told me what happened between him and Eric, not one word was said until we got back home. Now, Tobias sits on the bed with his head in his hands trying to calm me down.

"Tris, for the thousandth time, I don't know!" I can see his jaw clenching and muscles tensing. "And can you please stop pacing the room!" I halt. I see that, he too, has bitten his fingernails way too far. It's a bad habit both of us cannot break. He taps his foot at a constant rhythm and takes deep, steady breaths. But by the looks of his facial expression, he doesn't look it.

"Can you please stop tapping your foot?" I retort. He stops. Thick, heavy silence fills the room. I clear my throat. "Did...is he going to tell anyone? Has he already?" I groan. "Tobias, ever since I found out about my divergence, I've been taught to keep it a secret. Because if that secret got into the wrong hands, I wouldn't live to see another day. Tobias, for crying out loud! He knows! He knows!" Tears make their way down my face. It's too blurry to see anything clearly. I feel a hand, his hand, pull me on to his lap and his thumb wipe away my tears. I feel a sob threatening to escape my throat. I comes out strangled, far from a pleasant sound. He pulls me close. I can smell his musky scent all over his clothes and body. That smell that defines him as safety. My safety. He runs his fingers, gently, through my hair. My body violently shakes, but Tobias holds me tighter and closer. I clutch onto his shirt, never wanting to leave his embrace.

I keep crying and sobbing until my eyes are red and my throat burns. The whole time, Tobias whispered reassurances into my ear. Hear his voice was like feeling silk. I could never get tired of it. "Shh, baby, you're okay. I won't let anyone hurt you. Hurt us."

"Promise?"

"Promise." We sit like this, in silence, for a while. I could stay like this forever, me in his embrace and his head tucked between my neck and shoulder. 

"Did he say anything else to you?" My voice comes out in a whisper, not wanting to break the beautiful silence we sit in. He runs his fingers through my hair over and over again. Another hand holds me securely in his lap.

"He's using it against us." He mumbles against my forehead. Then something clicks in my head.

"Are...are you saying that," I clear my throat, "whatever Jeanine plans on doing, we're going to help her?" He nods. I scramble to feet, leaving him sitting confused.

"Tobias! You, we can't just do whatever Eric wants just because of his little threat. How does he even know that we're 'divergent'?" This is frustrating. Eric has absolutely nothing on us. Nada! Whatever 'proof' he has, probably is just theory. What infuriates me even more is the fact that Tobias is just going along with it. "Tobias! What is wrong with you? You've been acting very strange these past few days and now your just gonna let Eric hold us underneath his thumb?!" I put my thumb up into his face. "Say something, damnit!" At this point my face is red from screaming.

"Tris, please! Calm down. There's no reason for you to be yell-"

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up!" I grip my head in my hands. Tears begin flowing out again. "This is not the man I fell in love with. Tobias is a man who fights till the end. He doesn't just give up with out a fight. Without even trying!" I slam my fist at his chest. He's trying to hold me, but I can't even stand to look at him right now.

"Tris, this is not happening right now." His voice remains calm. His voice is low and rumbles through my chest.

"Oh!" I scoff, "but it is! Tobias, just, please. Make this go away." I feel so small and vulnerable. My voice is so low, it's barley audible. I start shaking. My fingers go numb. I curl myself into a ball and cry. I feel him wrap himself around my body, like a shield from every little harm in the world. And just like that, we fall asleep.