Dreaming

Chapter 13

Tris's POV

I wanted to tell him. But what's the point? He won't believe me. Shit, I barely believe it! I shouldn't believe it-

"Banana or blueberries?" I finish putting the coffee grounds into the coffee machine and close the lid, pressing the start button. I walk over to where he stands, my bare feet bouncing on the cold concrete.

"You know, we should get a carpet or something," I stare down at my feet, "this floor is freezing!"

"Ah, well go shopping with Christina-" I punch his arm. "Alright! Alright! You never answered, bananas or blueberries?" He stares intently at the plastic box where the blueberries are.

"Blueberries. If I take any longer, you might start slobbering." He quickly turns his head, looking at me. I point to his mouth. He tries looking at it, making me laugh. I step closer to him and wipe the corner of his lips, making him tense up before he can relax into my hand. We're both still unaccustomed to small actions like hugging, or wiping someone else's lip. It's intimate things like those that scare me. Not because they make me uncomfortable, but because I'm afraid of loosing those sacred moments. Situation like the one we're currently in jeopardize that for all of us. One small mistake, and it's all over.

"Am not," he continues making the pancake batter, now adding blueberries to the mix.  I smile, enjoying the little peace we're lucky to have until we have to leave the confines of our small apartment.

"Okay, sure." I retort. He ignores me.

• • •

As we eat our blueberries pancakes with coffee, all I can do is think about last night's nightmare. It's was so clear and vivid. It felt more like a lost memory than a recent dream. These have been occurring way too often to just be coincidences, but I haven't told Tobias about them. The only reason he knows about last night's is because it was the worst one of all. He woke up to my screams. Screams. I can't imagine how he felt, seeing someone you care about in pain.

"Tris, you okay?" He stops the forkful of pancake at his mouth. Syrup drips down onto his, almost empty, plate.

"Yea. I'm fine, thanks," I stab what's left of my pancakes. He takes a moment before bitting the pancakes. As he chews, he watches me with this look in his eye. I can't describe it.

"I don't believe you." He stands abruptly from the table, taking his plate to the kitchen, which gives me no time to take in and react to what he just said.

"What do you mean?" I finally respond to his accusation.

"You forget that I know you, Tris. I wouldn't be saying it if didn't think something was wrong. You can't everything away from me. I'm going to find out eventually. So what's the big deal?" He leans on the table, hovering over me.

"It's just-"

"And don't tell me it's our situation with Jeanine." He pauses, "I know you." I stay quiet, feeling the inside of my chewed-up cheeks. He stays in the same spot, staring at me, breathing heavily.

Of course this isn't about Jeanine. It's about my sleeping problems. But he doesn't know that, and I'd like to keep it that way. For now at least.

He looks at me as if I was a child that had just done something wrong and he was my parent. Something in me squeezes and burst.

"Okay, and? I don't have to tell you shit right now. In fact, I don't have to tell you at all. There's absolutely no need for you to talk to me like that. I am your equal, so don't treat me any less than that." I push myself up from the chair, stomping all the way to the kitchen.