The Perfect Storm. . . . Book 1

Growing up in a hateful world. Chapter 2

" A world so hateful, some would rather die than to be who they are."

Author Unknown

Now back to the tragedy of my life and this bullshit move. I am afraid of the unknow, I have a fear of not being able to escape the madness. . .

The final days leading up to the move, was a whirlwind and just a lot of chaos. Movers coming and going. My life was placed in boxes and labeled. I felt so lost and trapped. I would wander the streets that kept me safe from the monsters that ruled my life and home. I knew this city like the back of my hand. Me leaving my town was like a huge part of me was dying. I just didn't realize at that moment how much was dying, and I never thought it would also be a rebirth. I felt like I was saying goodbye to the only friend I've ever known, Philadelphia. She kept all my secrets, she showed me wonders untold, she allowed me to escape and find solace. She gave me a love I didn't know and that was the love of the city. She will forever be my angel and I thank her.

The house finally sold, which in a way I was glad. I just wanted this whole mess over and done with. Strangers trampling thru the house, yelling and toddling along the house. The complaining and fights about the move, as if things could go back to normal now! Being made to act like a normal family was so taxing to me. For my mom, it was always a show to strangers and the public. Knowing damn well nothing is normal about this family or even remotely close to normal. I believe us to be a fucking freak show of lost souls. But again, who asked for my opinion or wants to hear it!

With the house packed up, the movers taking the final boxes, was a reminder of my years here ending. I see it as one nightmare ending and an unknown chapter beginning. While they were loading the cars and vans, I chose to walk thru my empty childhood home, one last time. So many memories came flooding back, not any of them good. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I would miss this place. The city yes but this house of horrors no. As I walk thru the house, I come to the door that leads to all the nightmares. I just stood there lost in the flashbacks of all the cruel, disgusting, emotional and physical pain this door led to. Lost and dazed, I didn't hear my dad calling my name saying we was leaving. I damn sure didn't hear him walk up on me. When he touched my arm, I damn near jumped to the ceiling. But just like everything else in my life, Hey, come on. Time to get on the road, long drive ahead." He turns and leaves. He didn't even notice me jump or the tears running down my face. He never ever notices, why would he now? Maybe I'm foolish to think he remotely cares and just doesn't know how to show it or maybe he knows and just doesn't know how to handle it. . .. Hell no, none of that. He is just an ass and could care less.

I gather my thoughts and walk out of the house to the car. I get in and wait for my dad to stop talking to my brother and aunt, so we can get on the road. Finally, he walks back to the car and get it. He starts up the car. He then pulls out the driveway. I push play on my Sonny Sport Walkman and put my headphones on, I just want to tune them out and then maybe this ride won't be so bad.

We are driving thru the familiar streets for one last time before we leave, it was so bittersweet. As we rode out the city, I reflected on a new start and how my life was about to majorly change. Then again it won't change too much considering my nightmare is moving with me and the demons I've tried to run away from. Just won't let me be. Being in a new city that I know little to nothing about, is a prison for me with no parole in sight. As we drive thru the city, I can feel my freedom slip away, I can sort of understand the feeling of a caged animal. One minute your free to live your best life and then boom! It's all taken away!

I can't remember if I told yall, but my dad is a train engineer and train operation foreman. He spent a lot of time on the rails and sometimes didn't come home for weeks at a time. Sometimes I wonder if there is any more of his children running around and we all just don't know it. With the new promotion he will be away even longer. Which makes it hell on me. It means I am under the watch of the mommy from hell. This means no protection at all. This woman makes mommy dearest seem kind and loving. As we push forward on, I zone out and only come back to reality when we stop to eat, get gas or bathroom. Other than that, I just stay silent. No one is talking to me anyway.