The Perfect Storm. . . . Book 1

Things Will Never Be The Same. Chapter 11

" Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to how they use to be."

Author Unknown

That night changed me in ways I never thought was possible. I never thought I could take another's life, let alone two but I guess it lies in all of us. At first when it happened, I was hoping everything that I was feeling would change once I seen the life leave him, but it didn't. I realized I was just as bad as him, I was a monster. No better than him. Regardless of what he did in life, I had no right to play judge, juror or executioner. I should have taken another route, but then again which one? If I would have opened my mouth to my parents, his wife would have said it was my fault and I was asking for it or I was throwing myself at him. My dad would have skated over what I was saying and then eventually sided with her cause he has no backbone of his own mind. His mother would fight to the end to prove he was innocent, he could never do anything this vile to me. I would have to tell the events that happened to me, to the police hoping they would believe me and maybe apply charges. There are times when the victim is blamed more than the monster. If there are charges, then there will be a trial that would cause me to testify. My pain would be on display for everyone in that court room. I would have to tell a judge and a jury for him to be convicted of his crimes. Even after all that, who is to say he will be convicted. That is a slap in the victims face, when they tell, and no one believes the crime happened. Then you must deal with Folk, making assumptions and giving their opinion on what they think happened. Never given a thought of how the victim feels and how the victim is seen. I would be the one that people would talk about. Not him, sure he would have folks whispering but he wouldn't care. He is getting away with his crime and he is free to do it again. I would be the one who would have to endure the pitiful looks and I would be the one who must listen to all the fake sympathy that folks would spew in my direction. I would be the one who would have to answer questions from people who don't really care but are just nosy. Not to mention how life would be in this family. I would be the cause of the family falling apart and becoming divided. Even though the truth of the matter is, we have always been that way. The main things are, nothing would've changed, I would just be on display for everyone. My hurt would become someone's entertainment or topic of conversation. Hell no, I couldn't go through that. It was my secret; it was done to me! The worst part is, what if no one believed me or did anything about what he had done? He would gloat in knowing he was right, that no one cared about me and what was done. Absolutely not. I didn't want to endure any more humiliation. That night also showed me that Chris really had my back and was there for me more then I knew. He was my strength when I was weak that night. He allowed me to handle what I needed to even though he wanted to be the hero he thought I needed. He was my silence in the middle of the chaos. He went above and beyond for me and I'm grateful. I don't think I would have been able to do it without him. Yes, sounds crazy but I know if, I couldn't handle it. He would have stepped in and finished what I couldn't. No one talks about how it is after you take someone's life. Your haunted, well maybe it is just me. You see their face and how they looked the moment life left their eye. That look is burned into your brain, and you cant shake it. I'm scared of my reaction or should I say the lack of. I thought I would feel some sort of regret or guilt. Shit, I dont, that is why I feel I'm no better than him because he felt nothing when he was hurting me. It didn't matter my pain, so his pain didn't matter to me. I just worry that I may become something I don't want to be. You know something is wrong with you when you can take a life and not give two shits about it. I just hope this doesn't change me into someone I'm ashamed of.

I awoke in the morning to find Chris fast asleep next to me, I mean he was knocked out. I watch him as he sleeps, I take in every single detail of his face. I stare at him as if Im seeing him for the first time. Is this love that I am feeling? Am I in love with Chris, I cant say for sure cause I dont understand or know what it is. My thoughts drifted off to the previous night. I am numb and I thought I would feel relief or peace, but instead I feel nothing, I feel no sense of calm, I feel no sense of redemption, I feel no anger, no sadness, I feel no remorse, I feel absolutely nothing at all and that scares me, I should feel something right? I feel Chris moving beside me, Stormy, how are you feeling after last night? I know it was a lot for you and to be real with you, I should have never let you do that. That is something you shouldnt have to bear on top of everything else. I should have gone with my first mind, went and did dude by myself but you said this is something you needed to handle, so I let you. Taking someones life is never an easy thing Storm, it takes its toll on you, it never leaves and never gives you peace. I told you once before, taking a life doesnt end at them taking their last breath. They will now be in your dreams, your thoughts and your consciousness. To be honest with you Storm, its when it doesnt bother you. Thats when you have a bigger problem, that is when you figure out that youre no different than the real monsters. That is what makes you a callous killer and that is when life to you has no meaning, rather it is yours or theirs. I listen to what he says, and I feel every single word, but the scary part is, I dont care. Chris, I thought with him being dead and gone, everything would change, and I would feel different, and the pain would dull. But its not, I feel the same. I feel he wasnt the only one that did me wrong, I also know I cant go around killing everyone who has wronged me. I feel his mother, my dads wife and my dad played a role also. He got away with what he did cause no one cared enough to stop him! We both sit in silence for the longest, lets go. I got some things to handle before school. Come on.