The Perfect Storm. . . . Book 1

Facing the past is the hardest. Chapter 9

" The past is a steppingstone, not a millstone."

Robert Plant

Sitting on the couch with Chris, playing with his fingers. My mind is in a frenzy and my fear is so hard to swallow. I muster the will to look up and I ask Chris if he can grab something from the mini fridge for me to drink and I will pay for it later. Well, that statement of me saying " I'll pay for it later," didn't sit well with him but he went and grabbed us something anyway. he walks back to the couch and hands me a cup and a mini bottle of Vodka. I place the cup on the table and open the bottle and I throw it back like a pro. Knowing damn well, I'm far from being a drinker. I was acting brave as hell, but that shit burned my throat like acid. Come to think of it, this would be my first drink. I looked at the bottle Chris brought over for himself, he sees me looking at it and gives that one to me too. I throw that back and I roll the bottle around in my fingers just spaced out. " Stormy, take your time. We have all the time you need and if you're not ready. Well, that is cool too, just know I meant what I said. Nothing between us will change unless youre a crackhead, rat or undercover ho."

I sit with my knees up and I begin to tell Chris about my past. I am fighting back the tears as I tell him all I have been thru. As I talk to Chris, I can't bring myself to look him in his eyes because of what I might see there. "I tell him all about my dad's wife, how I was a product of an affair and that is why she never felt anything but hate for me. How she never once took it out on my father for what he did. All her rage and hate were towards me. I explained to him how my father worked and how I was left alone to deal with her and her ways. How folks chose not to see or care about the abuse I endured. The busted lips, the black eyes, the many bruises on my body, the bloody panties, the feces and blood on sheets and different items of my clothes. The rapes, the molestation, the all-around abuse from not being her's. I tell him all what my aunts son has done to me; How I was told that my mom knew because she was the one who gave me to him. Told him that it didn't stop till I was 14 and we moved here. The only reason he stopped was because I fought back one day. I became tired of being used and tossed aside, if no one thought I was worth more or deserved more, it was me, I fucking knew! If I dont know nothing else, I knew I didnt deserve this, I knew this was wrong on many different levels. I knew I would never be right after all I had been thru. I looked at other families and kids and I knew my life wasnt right, I knew there was something wrong and I use to believe it was my fault. I was the reason for all that happened to me, I didnt add up somehow. I wasnt worthy for some reason. I wasnt worthy of protection, love, kindness or understanding. It wasnt my fault for being here! If there was a choice in being, I damn sure wouldnt have.

I told him why I wanted the information on Jay because I haven't seen him in two years, I wanted him to pay for what he has done to me." I sat looking at my lap for the longest because I was so scared to look up and allow him to see, how just telling my story affected me. The tears were like a flood gate, I don't know if I'm relieved that he knows or that it feels good to talk about something that fear has never allowed me to do.

I finally meet Chris's eyes and what I see takes my breath away. I don't see pity, I don't see disgust, and most of all I don't see that he is going to bolt. What I see in his eyes is unexplainable. He scoots closer to me on the couch and caresses my cheek, I see tears in his eyes, his voice is forced, and he says " babe I am so sorry you had to go thru that, but I promise you as I breathe. No one will ever hurt you again, no one will ever make you feel like your unworthy and most of all I am going to show you love, how to love and how it feels to be love. I love you and nothing you have told me has changed that, if anything I admire you and your strength for what you have endured. I always knew there was something special about you, but I had no idea the magnitude of it. Just know I am here because I love you and I want to be with you." He wrapped me in his arms,