Sometimes things are hard [personal Journal]

The weight of life

Do you ever have moments when you feel like the world is crashing into you?

So...things have been good...I guess. It's kinda hard to tell; it's not that I can't tell, it's just...I've had a lot on my mind lately. I have 22-21 days left of school, and so I've been really stressed out. Being stressed out is kinda normal for me, and spacing out is something we all do, but it's gotten worse recently.

I can't think straight, I can't keep a conversation for too long, and I'll space out in middle of thinking. It's pathetic to be honest.

It's worse at school. I've once wasted half of my time on a test just spacing out. Sense then, I've been stressing over that test and future ones as well. "All this stress isn't healthy."

That's what people say, but I can deal with stress. But sometimes...when there's so much of it...it can feel like my whole world is turning dark.

I have these moments when I feel like I shouldn't exist. In these moments I feel like a waste of space, like there's no need for me. There are people out there who don't care whether I'm dead or alive, and at times neither do I.

I had one of these "moments?" today. I was in GSA (gay, straight alliance) and it hit me. When I felt it coming on, I IMMEDIATELY left the room. Sometimes when this happens I cry, so I left because I'm too embarrassed to cry in front of  people(friends, family, ect.). I when to the boys bathroom, making sure no one was around. I would never let anyone ever see me like that, I don't want to be picked on or have them think I'm weird/crazy in some way. And I sure as hell don't want people to pity me!

Now don't get excited, this is NOT a suicide note, and I'm NOT doing this for attention.

I just need to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading.