Sometimes things are hard [personal Journal]

Time Well Wasted

I wish I could say things have gotten better, but then I'd be lying to you. Things have only gotten worse. Me and my boyfriend (ex boyfriend) were good, but then he broke up with me. Honestly I knew it was going to happen sometime soon. It's funny, the day before it happened I had an emotional breakdown. I couldn't stop crying, it felt like my whole life had turned dark and it was my fault. I guess the break up was just the cherry on top. When I needed him most, he just upped and left. I didn't cry, not this time, I kept my promise. Honestly I'm not over it, and I know I need to let it go, but I can't. Almost every day when we make I contact he shakes his head at me, and gives me these disappointed looks. It pisses me off more than anything! He doesn't have the right to do that to me!

Awhile ago I tried to talk to him, I didn't want to leave things on a bad note. I didn't want to have any ill will of him. He takes it as a bad thing and asks "why the fuck am I so obsessed with him"?! The fuck?! "Geez! I'm sorry I tried to make things cool between us and you wanna go and be an asshole about it!!!" He told me not to say no to him! Ok, if you're not going to give me a choice, then don't fucking ask me a fucked up question!

There are times were he will just look at me and begin to point out all the things wrong with me. And he does this in front of everyone and anyone whose around at the time. He says I keep too many secrets, and I overthink things too much. He told me I never cared about him.

I'm tired of him doing this to me! I'm tired of him acting like he doesn't know it hurts me! I'm tired of drowning in my own self pity! I tired of being tired! I wasted my time on him, and now I'm paying for it. But there is one thing that I can never say: I didn't try my best.

As life has always taught me, my best will never be good enough.