Addict

The Great Gwen

My mother scurried out of the room closing the living room door behind her. Dr.O'Carroll nodded at the chair beside him motioning me to sit. I hesitantly shuffled over to the chair and sank into its soft interior.

"So Flo as I said I'm Dr.O'Carroll but you can call me Mick." He said sternly not looking up from his notepad. "No thank you I prefer to call you Dr. and you should call me Florence." His blue eyes lifted of his page to meet my eyes.
They then darted back down to his page after 20 seconds of examining my face as he scribbled in some notes.

"So Flo this is a nice house don't you think? Good olde neighbourhood all together." He said looking around the room completely ignoring my request.

I didn't reply.

"This house must of cost your parents a fortune."

I didn't reply.

I looked away to show I was not going to speak and in the corner of my eyes I could see his blue orbs burning into me.

"Okay you don't like small talk? how about I cut to the chase? Tell me about Gwen's death."

My head snapped to face him. My sister is not just some topic of conversation. "I know you Fucking know about her death so instead of asking me go check your goddamn files." I roared but the volume of my voice didn't startle him.

"Well that sure broke the silence. Now i'll ask again tell me about Gwen's death." He said not breaking his gaze upon me. " It was a suicide that's all you need to know." He jointed that down in his note pad. he then looked back up at me within a bored look on his face. "Now tell me Flo, what does suicide mean to you?" although his face lacked expression his eyes focused intensely on me.

"It's when you been pushed to the limit and you feel the only way to get through it is to end your own life." I replied weakly feeling the tears well up. " Alright see there you used the wording end your own life meaning Gwen was the one responsible for her death. Correct?"

I looked up in order to avoid crying. I felt a blimp load of emotions pop inside me. "If your going to try figure out why I blame my Parents telling me I shouldn't believe I have a great reason to." I tried to say as softly and calmly as I could. He gave a puzzled look, well the kind of look your hairdresser gives you when you hint at gossip. I was going to tell him. every last brutal detail.

"Gwen was my role model, I had always looked up to her as the wonderfully kind hearted, brave girl that was my sister. Although she was a sinful girl according to my family and our neighbourhood because the great Gwen was in reality the great gay Gwen.

She had a girlfriend, Paula. They did everything together they moved in together and I've never seen my sister as happy with anyone else but her. The thing is she was still in the closet she knew Edward and Catherine wouldn't allow her to be what god saw as an abomination. Only a few people knew about her and Paula,

until

Gwen popped the question.

It was a beautiful day and I helped set up the banner and everything it was going to end up perfect when Paula arrived she was blindfolded then Bruno's Mars' 'marry you' played as I untied her blindfold as she screamed in excitement.

In other words she said yes.

Everything was well until she left a week later.

I remember cycling to her house that Friday as I always did to find my sister who I admired so much hopelessly sobbing on the floor just broken. She told me Paula left because she still hasn't told Mom and Dad. Gwen was a mess she told me she wanted to die. My strong brave sister told me that.

In return I told her I'd stay by her side I comforted her and stood by her and held her hand when she told mom and dad about her 'double life'.

You want to know what they said Mick?

No you aren't Not our Daughter.

They told her she was wrong that she couldn't be both their daughter and Gay. So she ran home I tried to chase after her but she was way to fast I tried to call her several times I texted her. I remember I tried to send her funny pictures to try cheer her up and pictures of pugs and cats. Then something inside me told me I had to go to her house that something isn't right. I pedalled on my bike as fast as I could to that apartment I couldn't think of anything else I nearly got hit by several cars and ran many red-lights but those were the last things on my mind I banged on the door and screamed her name

No reply

I sent her a text I heard the ding but

No reply

I got the neighbours help and busted down the door and that's when I saw my Idol.

My hero

My inspiration

My mentor

My bestfriend

My sister.

Her pale lifeless body hung limply from the ceiling. My body was frozen until I eventually felt my consciousness leaving me and I fell into the darkness.

If only they had been more supportive My Fucking Sister would still be alive. So that's why I blame them."

I was surprised I didn't spill a single tear. Throughout my explanation Mick took no notes. He just watched and listened which helped. He looked at the ground "Thank you for sharing that story it must have been hard to share I can tell its not something you have talked about before." He said sympathetically. " I will speak to your mother now thank you for your time Flo." He stood up and shook my hand and I left the room.

I miss her so much. I really wish things hadn't ended the way it did.