butterfly ▸ vhope

21 :: Sorry

I stayed in my room the entire day. I had no appetite and I didn't really care if the front door slammed, indicating that Taehyung had left the apartment. It was just past 7 when I finally took a break from studying. I always studied to calm my anger but currently, it isn't working at all.

"Jeez, why isn't studying working? I'm still angry at him,"

Sighing, I got up and left my room, in search of some dinner so I don't starve my poor stomach, which has been grumbling since two hours ago. In the kitchen, which was my sanctuary, was a note taped on a box of pizza from my favourite pizza place.

'I'm sorry for lying to you, hyung. But I promise you, I'm not returning to my old ways. I just need time. Please trust me.'

And my heart clenched. He needed time. Of course. The past few months have been hard for both of us. If I needed my time and space, he needed his too.

Sighing, I took the entire box of pizza to the living room and turned on the television to catch up on some shows that I've been missing. Opening up the box to take a slice, my mind wandered to Taehyung, whether he would be alright alone wherever he was right now.

It wasn't until I was one and a half slices of pizza in that I realised something. If Taehyung had left, could that mean he went somewhere? And where would that be? Dr. Bolton had stated that he hadn't been himself in the past few sessions so I had to keep my eye on him. But today, after what happened, would he do something be shouldn't be doing?

Quickly, I slammed the pizza box close, grabbed my coat and slipped into a pair of shoes before running out the apartment.

"Taehyung.. Have you seen Taehyung?"

I asked Alyssa, who lived here and is also the receptionist for the apartment building. She was watching a drama playing on the computer while eating a homecooked lunchbox for dinner. Turning her head to look at me, she swallowed her food before speaking.

"He said he needed some peace and quiet. Not sure where he meant, but you could try the parks around here since they're mostly empty at night,"

"Thanks, Alyssa. Enjoy your dinner and have a good night,"

"Bye,"

And with that, I took off to the nearest park. Searching from the entrance to the woods and back to the entrance again, Taehyung was nowhere to be seen. If I know Taehyung, he would never go very far. But if I know Taehyung, I would know where he was. But I can't seem to think of where he could be.

I kept searching high and low when something came to mind. When we first moved here, we came for a walk to this very park at night once. And he said that under the moonlight, it was peace and quiet at the ... Playground! That was where he was! Oh, how could I have been so foolish to not remember that before!

Running, I hurried to the playground. The swings were occupied by a boy who had on a simple hoodie, head down and earphones plugged in: Taehyung. I smiled ear to ear when I finally found him.

"Hey,"

I walked up and sat on the swing next to his. Shocked, Taehyung jerked up and turned to stare at me. Quite some time passed before he pulled his earphones out and kept them in his pocket.

"Um.. I'm sorry, Tae. I didn't mean to be so mad, but I was disappointed and the ang-"

"Stop. You're not the one at fault. I'm sorry for lying. These past few months have been hard for me and I know you're trying your best to help me. But I just can't move on, hyung. I can't move on from Ellie and I just can't move on to accept your feelings. I feel guilty because you're giving me so much and I'm giving you nothing and I just.. I just feel so useless, you know,"

He ended with a huge sigh. And I felt my heart clenched. He seemed really depressed and I guess me getting angry at him before was making him more stressed and more sad.

Standing up, I walked until I was in front of him. He looked up and his eyes were filled with tears and sadness. I couldn't help it then. I bent a little, leaned forward and hugged him, something I haven't done since we started middle school back in Korea.