Garroth ❤️Laurance

Relapse and New Habits

*TRIGGER WARNING!!! This chapter contains graphic details of a self harm relapse and a developing eating disorder.. If you are easily triggered by or sensitive to these topics please do not read this chapter and keep a look out for more on these in future chapters. I love you so please stay safe okay? Stay strong ❤️ By the way, there will be a dream in this chapter and you'll know when it happens because it will be written in underlined italics.*
*Monday still at the Ro'Meave house.*
(Garroth's POV)
I let out a long sigh and set my bag down in my room. I grabbed my homework out and began working.
Hmm.. Let's see... Math.. English.. Creative writing. Seems like that's all.
My thoughts were interrupted by a small scratching at the door. I opened it to be greeted by a clumsy ball of fluff that ran past me into my room, clawed her way onto my bed, and mewed.
"Haha... Hello Shadow."
She stood and stared at me until I walked over and started petting her. After a few pets, I sat down on my bed and put my homework on my lap to get working on it. Shadow sat patiently waiting for me to finish, well, for about a minute or two anyway. I finished about three questions on my math homework when she jumped on my homework and laid down right on it.
"Hahaha, you really are a handful aren't you." I said softly. I gave up and moved her off my papers then put them away realizing I wouldn't be able to get them done with her around. (I did eventually finish it though). After a few minutes, she trotted off. I shut the door and laid back on my bed. I felt kind of tired. I'm not sure what it was, but one minute I was happy with Laurance or interacting with my family then the next I wanted to sit in bed and never do anything again. This was one of the moments where I felt pretty down. I finished the homework from earlier and laid on my bed getting lost to the deepest parts of my mind. It was a dark place, a lot of what's in my head tends to drag me down more often than not and it feels like I can't pull myself out of it. My 'daydreaming' was interrupted by mom knocking on my door to tell me it was time for dinner.
"Gar Gar~ it's time for dinner!" I was about to get up but the thought of eating right now made me sick. It was like my body was ready to reject even the idea of eating. I couldn't bring myself to even look at it right now.
"I'll come down a little later, I'm not hungry right now."
"Are you okay?"
"Don't worry mom, I'm fine."
"Okay, but make sure you don't wait too long."
After I heard her go back down the stairs I got up and grabbed a book I had been reading off my desk near by. I didn't want to eat. I was hungry, I just didn't want to. Oh well.

After an hour or so, I put my book away and saw that it was 8:00. I jumped at a sudden knock on my door.
"Gar Gar?"
"Yes mom?"
"You haven't left your room since you got home from school. Are you alright?"
I opened the door.
"I'm fine mom, just been relaxing."
"Alright sweetheart. I'm going to bed early tonight. Love you~"
"Love you too mom." And she left. I laid down and texted Laurance.
"Hey Laurance."
I waited a bit, no reply.
He's probably busy.
I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling for Irene knows how long before finally closing my eyes and falling asleep.

I found myself walking around my house just looking for someone. Nobody was home. I checked my phone and all of my contacts had been deleted and my lock screen picture was a picture of Zane's arms all cut up from his self harm. I couldn't delete it or take it off my lock screen for some reason. It was silent in the house, so quiet it seemed like every thought I had was screaming. There was a heavy feeling in the house, one that I was familiar with. It's the feeling I get when I feel so sad it almost physically weighs me down. That hopeless feeling of depression. I couldn't get away from it. I didn't know what was happening but I didn't like it.  I walked into our dining room and there was nothing in there except for the dining table. In the middle of it was a book. I walked closer and saw it had no title. Curiosity got to me and I cautiously opened the book. My eyes widened when I saw that it was a list of all of my problems, fears, and darker thoughts.
"Dad left
Zane hates me
People at school hate me
Dad hated/ still hates me
Laurance might leave me
I'm alone
I don't like myself
Depressed
Broken
Worthless
Lost control
Afraid
Abused
Bullied
Weak..."
I couldn't read any more. It was in a random order and I couldn't believe it. These are the thoughts I've been trying to avoid. I didn't want to think this way let alone read it back to myself. Though it was right. I really did feel like I lost control of everything.