Dricki Love & Lust Chronicles

I'm Yours & No One Else's

Nicki sat on her bed with one of her famous notebooks and a black pen trying to scribble down every thought in her mind. She was writing so fast that some of the ink smudged onto her fingers and the page but it was still partially legible so she didn't care. She'd been saying that her third album would be different than anything else she's ever put out before but she never anticipated how different.

She wanted to make sure that this one told a specific story of where she was in her life, she wanted it to be iconic, she wanted to make it historic. Something that would be remembered even after she retires and remind every person in and out of the industry that she is one of the best there is and ever will be.

Nicki also knew that it had to all be truth, not just subtle puns and allegories, that were cleverly put together to illustrate her life. She wanted it to spell out what she was going through, but still not actually say what needs to be said.

The way she'd been writing for the past few days reflected how she felt. In every line she put her soul, to let her emotions out in such a way was new to Nicki but she couldn't keep all she had inside her, in her for much longer. 'He always said that I have too many walls up.' She silently mused before writing the thought down on the side of the page. It was true though, and Nicki knew it. He broke them all down but she would keep them up for everyone else.

An outsider would say it was all coming from a very dark place, when in her reality it wasn't dark, it was love sick and lonely. She hated describing it like that but that was the only way to describe what was going on inside her head and her heart.

She couldn't understand this reality at the moment though. How they could go through everything they had gone through, finally start to make progress back to where they once were and then he does this to her. Nicki couldn't wrap her head around it. He was always confusing to her but she thought that for once she had him figured out, but yet again he threw her for a loop and left her feeling confused, hurt and betrayed.

Nicki realized that not everything was what it seemed when it came to him but she also knew some of his patterns and old habits and that it was all coming to bite her hard in the ass just as she feared it would.

The more Nicki thought about it, the harder it be came to differentiate between love and hate or rather, an acute anger. They held hands to her in the moment and now it was clouding her mind and making it impossible for her to think straight or to get the right words onto the page.

It was beginning to drive Nicki insane and she let out a groan before throwing the pen onto the bed and taking her head into her hands.

"God spare me," she mumbled before getting so lost in her thoughts of everything that had happened, everything that would have happened, and everything that was happening right now that it gave her a headache and forced tears down her face.

"Stop wasting your tears over him Onika, he isn't worth it." She stammered out to herself but saying it and meaning it were two very different things. Nicki didn't want to feel this way about him.

She didn't want to wait for him, but she did. 'I made him wait five years...'

She didn't want to be the girl waiting for him to come back for her when she preaches to her fans that niggas like him weren't worth it. It made Nicki feel like a hypocrite and she pitied herself for letting another one get inside her head.

It was the fact that she knew that she belonged to him, her heart, her mind, her body, her soul all of it, his. But Nicki didn't know if he was hers. When he left for tour and they patched up all that needed to be they both agreed to wait for him to come back from his tour to really pursue anything together.