This is a whole collection of mini series and oneshots centered around Drake and Nicki Minaj
Cover Credit: blvckpxwer.tumblr.com / grahamaraj.tumblr.com
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I sat down on the bed and looked at the empty spot she always use to fill before peering down at my phone. A picture of us staring back at me, taunting me with blissful expression, only being cruel reminder of all that transpired between us the day after. I know she still thinks of it as well but I walked out on her, I pushed her to make me.
I ran a hand over my face and looked through all the pictures of me and her. Her smile gracing most of them making her dimples show and her eyes shine brightly while looking at the lense of my phone.
Some were of her sleeping, cuddled up in my arms or with the pillows her perfect lips curved into pout, the same pout that made me want to steal the world for her. And then there were the ones of her laying bare in the sheets of the bed, her body covered in the afterglow of our lovemaking, stretching her limbs into beautiful and relaxed positions.
I now lay on the bed without her.
Why did I push her away?
Why did I run away from her?
When I went home with her home that night I knew what would happen and she knew what would happen. I regret nothing from that night, one of if not the best night of my life. But what I also knew is what she wanted if we did what we did, but that was I thought I wanted. I regret leaving her but I made her push me to go.
I feel like I'm suffocating.
I am driving myself into the place that I was afraid of being in. I want to settle down with her now, but this, whatever it was, ended the wrong way and now I can't function right without her. It shouldn't have ended at all and it's all my fault.
No matter how many songs I write, no matter how many how many clubs I talk myself into going to, it just makes me miss her more and feel even more guilty than I already do. She broke her celibacy for me, she did the one thing she promised she wouldn't with me or any other nigga without commitment.
Now I have to pay the price.
But she seems to be happy, and has moved on from me to good man. I honestly don't know why it didn't happen sooner though, he follows her everywhere she goes, relies on her entirely, he would never leave her or mistreat her. I'm not saying I would on purpose but I know I'm the bad guy, good ones go if you wait too long, right?
That's the thing though, she looks happy but she seems lonely. I can feel that she is just as lonely and as miserable as I am, I can see her smiles faltering, I can see the melancholy in her eyes but I seem to be the only one. Maybe its because of the connection I have with her. It may have been soiled but its as strong as ever.
I am so selfish, I profess my love but then the word commitment is said and I turn away for a one night stand, she still waits though. I hate that she waits but I love its just as much, it reminds me that I am not worthy of her.
This makes me wonder though, what has she done to deserve me for that matter? She hides me from the world, lies about our love, and has not only humiliated me in private but in public in almost every instance that I truthfully told her and all that bared witness that I was, still am, and will always be in love with her and only her.
