We Are A Beautiful Disaster

Pinkish

Mikey pov

Why am I doing this? It's asking for trouble. I mean seriously, why did he even ask?
I pushed open the door to the coffee shop, seeing Lindsey sitting alone in a corner booth. I asked her to meet me here so we could talk before Pete arrives. I've been stressing over this since yesterday and I can't take it anymore. I just need answers. That will make everything better, right? I can finally put all of this behind me. I have to-
"Can I get you anything?"
"No thanks." I grumbled at the barista, not even bothering to look at them. I shrugged off my coat and sat down in the booth.
"This was a bad idea, wasn't it?" I asked, resting my elbows on the table and briefly massages my temples.
"You need to relax, it's Pete, not the fucking president." She laughed and leaned back in her seat.
"I just don't want to say something stupid or a waste of time. Besides, my life is really none of his business."
Lindsey rolled her eyes, "So then what are you going to talk about? The weather? You need to open up a little. I know there are questions you have that only he can answer."
"What if his answers aren't good enough? He lies excessively, I think we both know that."
"Mikey, You are the kind of person who likes to think they know everything and when there are questions you can't answer, it bothers you and you obsess over it until you find a satisfying answer. So yeah, maybe it won't be what you want to hear. Get over it because it will be the truth." She spoke somewhat harshly, I think I pushed a button.
But fuck, she was right. Deep down I know the underlying cause of my stress is the fear that the answers might not be what I want. As much as I hate to admit it, I want him to be sorry. I need to know he suffered like we did and didn't just ignore everything.
I stared blankly at the table, lost in spiraling thoughts. "Look, I'm gonna go. Gerard's waiting for me. You'll be fine. Just be yourself..." With concern in her voice, she rested a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry, I think he missed you just as much as you missed him." And with that, she left. Leaving me alone with what felt like impending doom.
I don't know how long I sat there thinking, but it was enough time to be totally scared shitless when Pete collapsed into the seat across form me, grinning like the moron he is.
His smile is contagious, I swear.
"Hi." He said simply, joy radiating in his voice.
You see, I agreed to meet him here with the sole purpose of interrogation. A relentless back and fourth, then it would all be over. But as I sat in that booth I suddenly had the urge to just talk and laugh and forget he ever even left me in the first place.
"Hi." I responded, lacking the same intense enthusiasm, but pleasant all the same.
"This place is so good. I don't know if it's because Michigan sucks or what, but their coffee is shit compared to this place." He greedily picked up the menu, burying his face as I just sat in a startled daze. Moments ago I was confident in what I wanted, and now I'm not so sure... "You okay?"
I realized I had been oddly quiet and immediately nodded my head. "Yeah no, I'm fine-"
"Here is your pumpkin spice latte, and sir is there anything I can get for you?"
"Yeah I'll have a mocha, thanks." Pete smiled.
"I didn't order this." I tired to complain, but the afro possessing barista shook his head.
"The woman you were with earlier ordered it. I assumed it was for you. I can take it back if you want."
"No it's okay, I'll drink it."
He nodded then left and I was met with Pete's inquisitive expression. He had his eyebrows raised and small smirk playing on his lips.
"What?"
"I never took you for a player, Mikey Way." He teased, but I hadn't caught on.
"What?" I asked again.
"You were here with a women earlier?! How dare you go on a date right before ours." He spoke amusingly.
"Oh my god, you're so stupid. I was with Lindsey earlier and trust me neither that or this is a date."
"I know." He giggled, "I'm just messing with you."
"Have you talked to her?" I asked quietly, my gaze lifting to meet his.
"Lindsey? No. How is she?"
"She's fine. Basically the same girl, if you ask me."
"That's good... what about you? Are you basically the same boy?" He leaned forward in interest and I suddenly felt uncomfortable about the sudden question about me. "I'd say you aren't." He spoke once he realized I wasn't going to carry the conversation. "You've... grown. You seem more... mysterious." His tone had a hint of playfulness as well as something else and it made me realize he was the same as well.
"You definitely haven't changed. Just as immature as ever."
"Now I wouldn't say that."
"Oh really? So you're not a ridiculous flirt who cares more about himself than anyone else?" I don't know where the sudden flare of anger came from, but it was there and I can never take back what I had just said.
Pete wasn't mad, but rather disappointed. Like he was waiting for this to happen.
"I'm sorry... for everything."
"Pete you know that's not good enough."
"Mikey, there will be a time when you and I can sit down and talk about everything, if that's what you want. But that time isn't right now."
"Why not? Isn't that the whole point of speaking to each other in the first place?" I scoffed.
"We really shouldn't be talking about this here." He murmured, but it was too late. The dam that subdued all those emotions from one felt for the past four years was breaking and it all began to seep between the cracks.
"You owe me answers! I came here for that, and nothing more. I can't sit here and pretend like I'm fine with this! I'm not! I stood up then, and began grabbing my things.
"Mikey please-" He called after me.
"Why'd you go with him?!" I suddenly turned around unknowing he was right behind me. Now we were face to face and there was nowhere to hide.
"What?" His eyes searched mine as my question sunk in.
"You could've stayed here, with me, so why?" I frantically blinked the tears out of my eyes, knowing I'd feel the aftermath of embarrassment the moment I was alone.
Pete's face softened as he watched me and he took a deep breath.
"When I first moved away, who did you rely on most when you felt alone?"
I felt my eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"Was it Lindsey? Or maybe Gerard? Mikey, you have to understand that Frank didn't have anyone. His mom is dead and his dad is a selfish asshole. All he had was Gerard and once he was gone, there was no one left. I couldn't just leave him. He is the nicest person I know and he deserves way better than the shitty cards life dealt him."
"What about me?" I am completely aware I sound like a whiny bitch, but after all this time I've wanted to know if in all that commotion, did he ever stop to think about me?
"There was a part of me that wanted to stay more than anything, a part of me that wanted to know what we would've become and honestly that same part of me hates myself for leaving you, but at the end of the day, I couldn't betray Frank like that, you know damn well nobody else would have helped him."
"It wasn't your job to take care of him-"
"You had Gerard and Lindsey! They needed you and if you were in my position and Gerard needed you, you would've left without a second thought!" I could tell that set him off. He has kept his cool the entire time, unlike me, who was a crying mess.
"You still could've at least said goodbye and told me why. Instead you let me sit here and resent you."
"I thought that if I saw you, I would change my mind and stay."
"Bullshit, Pete." I cursed under my breath.
"Look, I'm not asking you to forgive me. I came here so the you and I could be on the same page and maybe eventually be friends again. I don't want to be the bad guy. I want you and everyone else to be happy." All this talk about what he wants.
Once again I didn't know what to feel. I wasn't angry at him. I understand why he left and now that I do I feel a sudden emptiness where that desire to talk to him used to be. I think now all I wanted was to make sense of everything. He just admitted that he always cared for me and still does.
So what does that mean? Are we supposed to just go back to the way things were before he walked into this coffee shop? Or perhaps go back to the way things were four years ago before he stepped onto that plane? Before I could even begin to truly comprehend all the thoughts and feelings swelling inside me, an overpowering urge came into my mind and once again, I couldn't stop myself.
"I-If you want me to forgive you, there's something you have to do..."
Pete hesitated, I could tell he had no idea where I was going with this. "Anything." He replied anyway, looking down at me with faint curiosity and desperation.

"Sleep with me."