We Are A Beautiful Disaster

He's the Prettiest Boy at the Party...

Trigger warning. Slight mentions of sexual assault. Nothing too detailed though.
-kayla
Gerard pov

"Why did I agree to this again?" I asked as I pulled into the bar's parking lot.
"Umm because you love me? Besides we haven't had a night out together in like forever." She glanced at her perfect reflection in the cars overhead mirror. I watched her pull the pink lipgloss out of her purse, lathering it over her clover shaped lips. Lindsey was so feminine and I'd always kind of loved that about her. In some ways I even envy her. She's so beautiful and was no stranger when it came to being herself. So I know what I'm feeling is something far different than wanting to be a girl.
In some ways, I like having a dick, and I identify as a man, but I've always wondered what it's like to be so free to experiment with yourself like she does. She changes whatever she wants when she wants.
I suppose over the years I've found myself watching her and idolizing her femininity. I'd watch her put on makeup before a date, or she'd show me some of the cute lace underwear she bought. It was all so pretty and alluring, like not in a sexual way. Is that weird?
I tugged uncomfortably at my jacket as a rush of warm air soothed the biting cold of fall.
The music was blaring and the lights were dimmed. I honestly didn't know what I was expecting, knowing Lindsey, an all out rave, but this place was way nicer than I thought. A casual yet fancy ambiance. The stage was fairly large, the bar being in the back with circular tables distancing it from the stage.
You could see all the instruments lit up under the dimmed spotlight and I had forgotten wat it felt like to be in love with the live music experience. From the looks of it, the band wasn't going to start for another few minutes and unsurprisingly enough, Lyndz didn't hesitate to approach the bar counter. I feel like a duff when I'm with her because when she enters s room. All eyes go to her. Her energy is so captivating and unpredictable.
I'm not going to lie, as conflicted as I felt right now I also felt a rush of excitement. For the first time in awhile,  I felt like I had control over my life and it's important that I make a smart decision. I've had a interesting week and the last thing I need to do is drink my away my problems. I sat down beside her, trying to balance myself on faux leather stool, drumming my fingertips rhythmically on the counter, I looking around the crowded room.
"You seem anxious." She turned to me, her friendly brown eyes brimming with the same concern they've had in them for years.
I really did want to be here. I do want to have fun with Lindsey. I'm tired of being the depressing friend that constantly needs people to listen to their problems with nothing positive in return...
I chewed nervously on my lip and tried to ignore how fast my heart was pumping in my chest.
"We can leave if you really don't feel comfortable with this, Gerard. I don't wanna make you feel like you have to do this for me-"
It's hard having a best friend that can practically read your mind, but this time I'm not going to turn around and let things stay the way they are. My life involves more than just my job and my awkward dying love life. I deserve to have a good time...
"We could go home and watch rom-coms and eat ice cream-" She continues but her voice was just background noise.
Without another thought I sat up in my chair before flagging the bartender with as much confidence as I could muster.
A shaggy haired tattoo covered guy came to our aid. Swiftly checking us over before smiling.
"What can I get for you lovely two over here?"
"Um... can we just get two beers to start with?" I asked, basically on autopilot at this point because if I had put further thought into it I'd change my mind.
"Seriously Gerard. We can leave. We'd have just as much fun somewhere else."

"Now who's being the buzzkill?" I asked jokingly, tying to ease her concern and suppress my anxieties. "I really do wanna just have a good time tonight."
She was unsure for a moment but then smiled, nodding once. "And you will. We'll have some drinks and listen to some fucking awesome live music and it's gonna be great."
Just then the chilled bottles of beer were sat down on the counter and she picked hers up tilting it toward me. I couldn't stop grinning as I picked up mine and happily clinked them together before taking the first sip.
I've never been much of a beer guy so I guess it's good to start with something you don't really like.
"I'm gonna limit you, don't worry." She assures me with a wink, before gracefully chugging like half the bottle.
"Yeah like you're going to be in shape to be the responsible one here. Think again." I laughed.
"Oh shut up, I'm a funaholic not an alcoholic."
"Could've fooled me." I mumbled against the bottle. Lindsey looked older than 18 and bartenders never really ask to see IDs when she's around. It's like the law doesn't matter and they just wanna please her.
I expected a witty remark from my comment about her 'not alcoholism', but I was met with silence. I turned to her to see her intensely eyeing someone from across the room. I frowned at the suggestive glimmer in her eye.
"Lindsey-"
"I'm gonna run to the bathroom to touch up my makeup before the band starts." She said suddenly, getting up and making sure her dress was properly situated before strutting away. There she goes again. Off to get what she wants. Honestly she wasn't like that before Pete, but when you feel used by someone, it changes you. Now it's like she goes through men faster than I go through cigarette packs. Don't get me wrong, I'm saying this out of concern not judgement.
"Can I get you another one?"
I was shaken from my thoughts by the bartender.
I scrunched my nose up, "I really shouldn't...." I meant to say that more confidently but it came out uneasy.
"You don't seem like the kind of guy who does this often, treat yourself. Besides, it's half off drinks night."
"As compelling as you're offer sounds, I'm gonna have to pass."
"Alright, let me know if you need anything else."
The lights dimmed even further and the colored lights from the stage shone in pretty purple and blue down onto the performers who were warming up their guitars and checking the sound. There were only a couple of them on stage. From what I could tell, the drums and microphone were still unoccupied. "This seat taken?" A voice suddenly asked from beside me. I was slightly startled, turning toward the unfamiliar voice.
"Uh no." I tried not to stumble over my words like the cripplingly awkward human being I am.
"What brings you out tonight?" The man was a bit older, but he had this gruff edge to him that subconsciously made you attracted to him. His beard was short and stubbly, but it still suited his face well. Considering this went from a part of two, to a part of one, back to a part of two, I could use someone to help pass the time.
"Mostly the live music, but I was also dragged here by a friend."
"Did they ditch you?" He asked with a look of amusement on his face.
"In a way." I laughed, playing absentmindedly with my empty beer bottle.
"So, you think they'll be any good?" He gestured towards the stage.
"Uh yeah, I don't know. I've never heard of them before."
He shrugged of his leather jacket as he ordered a drink before returning his attention to me.
"What brings you out on this Friday night?"
"I guess you could say girls night out, now minus the girls."
The bartender sat down some whiskey and a couple of shots.
"Have one?" He offered. Now shots were a risky thing for me.... I really shouldn't.
"Oh no it's okay, I was just going to-"
"No I insist, it's a thanks for talking with me."
"You make it sound like you owe me." I mumbled, hesitantly grabbing the shot and downing it in one go. It was strong and I cringed as I set the small glass back on the table.
He picked up the cherry out of his drink, eating it off the toothpick then set it aside. Honestly this guy was a little strange. He couldn't have been younger than 30 and I'm sure he was better things to do than flirt with a slightly underage drinker. showed on his face. Light age lines forming around his forehead and mouth.
"Okay you got me a drink so the least I can do is ask your name?"
"Oh yeah, sorry, it's Austin." He held out his hand and I shook it.
"Gerard." He nodded once. "So, you into rock?" I asked, gesturing towards the stage.
"Oh yeah, mostly the classics. Rolling Stones, Queen, you name it. So this band will probably be a little different for me."
"Cool." I honestly didn't want to be talking with this guy, but I can't be rude.
So let's just say 30 minuets and three shots later, I've somehow managed to loosen up.
Austin, the man who's been keeping me company, and tipsy, actually turned out to be quite an... interesting guy.
It was then someone care over the mic. Annoyance in their tone,"Unfortunately our lead singer is running a bit late, so we're just gonna play whatever to pass the time. Hope you don't mind. Thank you!" The audience cheered, way to drunk at this point to actually give a fuck.
"Wanna go watch?" It seemed like the restaurant cleared the tables so there was a wide space to crowd around the stage. This music was just guitar instrumentals with drums to back it up. Still I could vibe.
"Uh, sure. But I need to run to the bathroom first." Maybe hell give up on my if he can't find me? I thought as I stepped out of the stool, pushing past people to the empty hallway that contained the bathrooms and emergency escape door. Just as I pushed against the door I felt a presence right behind me pressed up against my back. When I went to get away, but he grabbed me around the waist, unexpectantly pulling me out that side door and into a dark alleyway between businesses.
"What are you doing?" I tried to fight is motions, failing though, and he grabbed my wrists, forcing them against the rough brick wall
He leaned closer, his knees between my legs. And I'm immediately wanted to cringe away, but it his grip was iron solid. when his free hand began to slide down my waist I became uncomfortable.
"S-stop."
"What? You can't tell me you're not just as into this as I am. Besides, I was thinking you could pay me back for a couple of those drinks." He whispered in my ear, whiskey heavy on his breath.
"I-you've got the wrong idea."
I tried, pushing him off me.
"Do I?"
"Let me go!" I spoke more assertively, but was met with a harsh slap to the face. My head whipped to the side from the force of it, my cheek tingling like a thousand needles pressing into my skin.
"Shut up, bitch."
It was then I felt a rush of sickness, a sudden nauseating wave, causing my vision to blur and limbs to weaken.
I...I don't feel to good. I weakly attempted to wriggle out of his grasp once more. I tried to remain calm as my breath became shallow and I began to feel myself shutting down.
"Come on, you can't tease me all night and expect me not to do anything."
Tease him? I never did such a thing, right? Now I wondered if it's the alcohol or the thought itself that made me wanna throw up.
"N-no..." I gasped, but there was no strength left in me to fight him as he continued to pin me. I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker. Austin used his body to keep my numbing body upright. His hands now painfully gripped my arms as well.
"Stop," I begged, feeing lightheaded as he bit into my shoulder, attempting to tug and tare my clothes. "Stop..."
No response.
"Help..." My voice was weakening and I took jagged panicked breaths realizing there was no escape.
"Stop... stop... stop....please..." I spoke over and over, hoping this would just end.
"What the hell are you doing?! Get away from him! He said stop." Someone was approaching us from the side walk.
"Fuck off pal, I'm busy." Austin spat evily, not even giving the man a second glance. That brought true fear into my stomach. Was the only person who could help me going to walk away as if he saw nothing?
I could feel my self gasp a sob.
"I said let him go." suddenly Austin's wandering hands were ripped away from me, leaving me to fall, back sliding down the wall until I reached the ground, watching the two fight in a blurry haze.
I heard a struggle, the sounds of punches being thrown. Someone was yelling, but it was all so fuzzy...
I don't know how long it was before someone stepped into the faint light from a single light post down the way, but my vision was too blurred to make out a face. All I could see was a dark outline reaching out for me.
"Oh Gerard..." A voice spoke... it was so far away.... and filled with concern. Is the the tone I'm always going to hear? Will I always rely on others?
I wonder if Lindsey is okay.... I hope she's not in a situation like this, and I'm powerless to help her. I hope she went home safely. For once, not worrying about me.
I could still feel tears silently running down my cheeks though the rest of my body was completely limp. I weakly kept my eyes open.
I hadn't realized I had been picked up. Gentle yet strong arms supported me, the stranger holding me close while I swayed calmingly with each step. He smelled good.... Austin didn't smell like this. There were no remnants of alcohol on this man. I reached up a hand to their face, pushing them away. Trying to silently tell them to let me go. I couldn't see in the darkness, but I could feel blood under my finger tips as it pressed against his cheek. I stopped.
"What-"
"Don't worry, Gerard. You're safe. I promise you."
I still recognized the potential danger of the situation, but my body gave up from exhaustion. I blacked out as a name was softly resonating in my head.
Frank, Frank, Frank....

Currently uploading this at like 6:45 am. I bet all that was unexpected. If there's errors I'm sorry. I legit haven't edited it at all.
Thank you for reading.
-Kayla