against the works of the flesh//frerard

chapter thirteen

Afterward, when it's time to go home, Frank is feeling even more confident about his essay than before. It's like a weight has been taken off his shoulders, because he told Father Way what he knew about the porn books. They're back at the library to get Frank's backpack and, before they leave, he promises Father Way that he won't tell a thing to anyone.

When Father Way thanks him, Frank says, "I know I can't tell anyone, because it can get you in trouble."

Father Way nods, assertively, his eyes grateful. "Telling anyone would be an absolute catastrophe. If people knew about my books, it wouldn't be just light gossip. It would turn into a full-blown scandal."

"Why in a scandal?" Frank asks with wide eyes.

"Frank," Father Way says, assertively, demanding Frank's full attention by grabbing his shoulders and locking their gazes. "You're right, I'm a priest and I own gay porn. Those two don't combine, and you know that. I could be defrocked and fall in shame in our community, because when a priest leaves the priesthood for whatever reason they walk out in shame. He becomes a... ah, a pariah, and the Holy See tries to convince the faithful that this man is no longer worth it. He can never go back to live in the same town and he will most likely never have a job again, because that's how the Catholic societies work. A priest should always be a priest."

Frank blinks at him, trying to assimilate that information. Father Way lets go of his shoulders and sighs. Then he says, "And then if a simple rumor starts going around town, involving you coming over and me owning these books, people will start talking. And what may seem so obvious and simple to us right now could easily come out as a lie. Even the kindest community can be very accusing when they feel threatened, and a priest who gets involved in a scandal quickly becomes persona non grata."

"Don't worry. I'm not going to tell anyone. Are we ready to go?" Frank asks, looking down at his backpack. He's putting a new book in it, and then his notebook with several online sources to check out.

"Yes," Father Way says. Frank takes a sudden peek at the couch, and sees the priest picking up his jacket.

"I dunno why I've never told you this, but it's unusual to see a priest in a leather jacket," Frank admits funnily, grinning down at his backpack. He zips it up and hears a poised laugh in response at what he said. And he's comfortable and so confident right now, and when he's like that he gets debauched, so he blurts out, "But it's a nice look on you."

When he looks up again, sliding his bag over his shoulder, Father Way is much closer than Frank had anticipated. He practically knocks over Father Way, so he squeaks and takes a step back. The priest is wide-eyed, staring at Frank, most likely because of what Frank just admitted, but they're so close that there is a sudden image in Frank's brain.

It's like déjà vu, but from one of his dreams. Frank keeps staring at Father Way, who keeps staring back with blown irises, and it makes Frank gasp. It's from the immediate images and from the previous conversation, but Frank feels it for real this time. He really is attracted to this man. Not to Father Way, but to the man behind the collar, the gay man that has an opinion on everything, and reads gay porn almost shamelessly, and teaches Frank all the things about the Church, and ultimately has a pretty face.

realization — this attraction makes Frank burn in a deeper way, all of a sudden. He can't deny that. And this déjà vu Frank just had, it's totally about this room they're in, and about the couch behind Father Way, and about this same man that never showed his face above that same collar. This realization is absolutely disturbing, but it's very real. Frank tries to shake it off, but it won't go away. He knows it won't. It sticks to him, lathers his skin, stays buried deep beneath his flesh.