against the works of the flesh//frerard

chapter fifteen

two weeks are very... restrained.

At school, Frank can shut everything out and focus in class, because the year is ending and he doesn't even have to worry now. He already knows where he's going to college and what he'll be studying, so it's not like he needs to focus really hard to maintain his high grades.

With the band, Frank thinks only about music, letting it shut everything else out. He plays in a way he has never played before, trashing around in his garage at a high speed, just letting go of all of his aggressions and confusion.

At home, Frank spends much more time in his bedroom and doesn't talk about anything, because they always end up arguing. Frank is still frustrated and his mother won't understand that there are things he just can't tell her and that there are things a mother just shouldn't know about her son.

And of course, at night, Dream Guy continues to haunt him with his hot kisses, handjobs, blowjobs and fingering. Frank has one where he's tied up, but he hates it so much that he doesn't even wake up hard. And there's another one where Dream Guy has a big, blue dildo and Frank gets hugely turned on, but before Dream Guy can stick it anywhere, Frank wakes up hard, panting, feeling anxious about getting fucked.

There are also the days he goes to Father Way's house. For those two Tuesdays and two Fridays, Frank stays alone in the library, doing research and taking notes, and ignoring the top shelf that remains filled with books. As far as the car rides from the church and back home go, they don't speak to each other except the standard cordial greetings, which are very awkward. Frank remembers the great conversations they used to have, and how Father Way opened up to him in his always present honesty, and how Father Way had looked seriously worried about Frank's flush that day, but that's all gone now. The easy atmosphere, the conversations, the normalcy, it all vanished because Frank is a stupid teenager in heat that can't control his dreams and urges.

And well, at mass, it's almost routine for Frank. He fakes that he's paying attention and fakes a smile when they speak to the priests in the vestry. Only his prayers are true.