"Who was the guy you like?"
Eh? What did he just asked me?
I clenched my fist, also my teeth. Why is Toby asking me who I like? Why does he want to know?
"Is it him?"
I blinked, "Huh? Him? H-him who?"
Toby looked down on his feet, placing a hand on his waist, "Terrence."
"Huh?"
Wait.. Terrence? Why is Toby bringing up Terrence into this situation? What does he got to do with this? Wait.. he thinks that Terrence is the one that I like? Eh- but more importantly, why does that concern Toby? As far as I know, he doesn't care about me. I mean sure he does, but surely not to the point where he worries about the person that I like. There is no reason why he needs to be concerned about that, I could handle it by myself. There is really no need for him to worry. And what is he going to do if I were to tell him who I like? It's not like it's going hurt him right? It's not like he's going to get jealous, I don't understand... and besides, there is no way I'm ever going to tell him who I like. Especially since it was him.
"So?" Toby mumbles and I looked back to him. "Was it really Terrence?" He smiles.
Wait..
Toby scratches the back of his head with a light chuckle as he looks down to the ground. I just stared at him.
"Gee.." he laughs once more. "I really thought you two were really just bestfriends.. I guess things like this really do happen, huh?"
Wha...t...?
"When do you plan to confess then?" Toby asked as I gasped; chest tightening and eyes watering. "I'm pretty sure he feels the same," he adds in with another smile.
See? Haha.. Toby is not going to get affected by it. No matter who I say that I like, his reaction will all be the same. What do the others say? What if Toby likes me too? Hah, I really wish they are all here right now, so they would know how Toby really thinks of me; what I really am to him. And this is all I am— a friend. There is no way that I could ever change that, besides I really think that Toby is still in love with Ayesha. I don't think that he has already moved on from her, they had dated for so long and it is really not so easy to get over someone. I'm pretty sure everybody knows that, trying to forget someone is just like trying to remember someone you never met.
"Then I wish you luck!" Toby exclaims, shoving one hand into his back pocket as he slowly turns away from me to walk back inside of the coffee shop. As he lifts up his hand then waved it in front of me, he started walking away.
I smirked. This reminds me of the time that I had realized I am in love with him— where he was leaving me to go to Ayesha. Toby was walking away from me while I was standing there and watched him disappear from my sight. I really thought I'd never see his back again.. I really thought I'd never watch him walk away from me again.. but I was wrong. What goes around, comes back around, I guess.
And then I started to taste salty tears, as Toby was completely out of my sight, my knees gave in. I had even spilled my own coffee on me but I couldn't care less. Tears had started to roll down my cheeks and some had asked me if I was okay, as much as I wanted to answer I couldn't. My heart is hurting too much, I couldn't even open my mouth to speak. I feel so heavy, as if I have about ten big rocks carrying on my back and the more that I try to take it with me, the more it gets heavier and harder for me. I have to let go. I need to let go.
"It's you..." I whispered to myself. "It was you, you idiot.. I love you.."
***
