Let Go (Wattys 2017)

Chapter one-My fault

I deserve it. I asked for it. It was my fault it happened in the first place. I slid the razor across my arm smiling at the pain. The blood dripped quietly into the cold tub. It painted a pretty picture that spoke to me so much I couldn't help but make more. I did it slower and delete making sure I could feel every ounce of pain it had to offer. I took a sharp intake of breath smiling away as the razor cut my skin. The blood came like a faucet just partly turned on.

I jumped as a banging began on the bathroom door. "Molly are you okay?" My mom's voice came from outside the door. "Just a minute!" I climbed out the tub quickly grabbed the peroxide pouring it over my cuts. I watched the bubbles form then softly dissolve sealing the cuts before pulling my hoodie over myself. Then grabbed the cleaners from under the sink and quickly cleaned the tub.

I cracked the door open peeking out with one eye. Mom smiled at me when I fully opened it I just brushed past her my face set to no emotion. She sighed before walking into the bathroom. I walked into the living room where pictures of our family hung over the mantel. I could see my sister's smiling face. She had passed away two years ago being the out of control teenager she was dying in a car crash from a drunk driver. I was in the car when it happened it was a miracle that I survived but sister, Ebony, wasn't so lucky.

Her death sent my family through hell and back. Especially my dad, she was his angel and losing her was like a stab in the heart. I could feel that his feelings changed towards me since I was the one who convinced her to go to the party in the first place. I swiped my eyes as tears threatened to emerge. "Molly, are you okay?" Tim's voice came from behind me.

I turned towards him picking my backpack off the floor. "Yeah," I said letting out a shakey breath. "I should...um...I should get going before I miss my bus." I said making my way to the door. "Molly, you don't have to do this." Tim said behind me.

I knew exactly what he was talking about. Since that night I had cut everyone off, including Lola. I was not the same person after that night and I didn't want to hurt anyone with my new personality. So, I decided it was best that I distanced myself from everyone, including my own family. So...yeah, yes I do have to do this. I looked at him with heartfelt eyes before closing the door with a soft tap following behind me.

The walk was slow and cold, the autumn breeze blew my hair away from my face making my nose freeze and my already pale skin even paler. I breathed into my hands trying to warm myself. Days like this made me wish I did ride with Tim, but I also new Lola would be there too, you know being his girlfriend and all. I still haven't talked to her and she hasn't spoke to me either. The thought made my heart heavy and my eyes sad I quickly shook it away as the I finally made it to the stop the bus squeaking to a halt.

I climbed in taking a seat and leaned my head against the cold window watching as drops of rain began to fall. The drops reminded me of falling tears cascading down a thin glass that represented my life. Fragile and easily broken. I blew my breath against the glass and wrote the A.G in the condensation that rested on the window. I slowly drifted off to sleep the bumps and cracks sending the bus slowly rocking me into unconsciousness.

"Molly...Molly!" I jumped in my seat as the teacher yelled my name. Kids erupted into a fit of laughter as I buried my face in my hands. "Who was the inventor of the theory of evolution?" She glared at me from her post at the board. I felt myself shiver under everyone's stares. "Ugh, I don't know." I said looking out the window.

"Try." She days through gritted teeth. I tightened my fist on the desk feeling the anger close to erupting from my body. "Ms. Sanders you have a zero for today." She turned her back on me resuming her teaching.

"What that's not fair!" I screamed rising from my seat. Everyone looked at me in shock. I didn't care she had no right. "Ms. Sanders! Please excuse yourself!" She yelled back at me.

"Hell no! There's no point of failing me over something I already passed. The you're asking is pointless and irrelevant!"

"Molly exit the classroom now unless you want to be escorted by the police!"

I snatched my backpack over my shoulders stomping towards the door. ", You old bitch! Fuck you!" I screamed brushing last an unknown person who attempted to enter the room. "Hey!" A male voice called from behind me.

"Fuck off!" I yelled stomping down the hallway. I stopped by the girls bathroom and slowly made made my way in sneaking into one of the bathroom stalls.

Sitting down on the floor near the toilet pulling the razor or of my backpack. It glinted in the light as if tempting me making a smile slowly creep to my face. I liked that, my hand took control and I lightly pressed the razor into my skin boot wanting it to get to messy, since I was in school. I began to draw.

My fault

The letters lightly dripped blood making me hold my arm over the toilet. I wrapped my arm in toilet tissue before walking out of the restroom.

My life stucks...but it's my fault.