Let Go (Wattys 2017)

Chapter six-I'm sorry

I blew my breathe against the car window drawing a tear. Dropping my hand I stared at it in silence. I thought about the pain of pulling each stitch out of my arm, one by one. The cut felt so good when it was opened, why not open it back up. My thoughts raced back to that tear and for some reason that lead me to Adam. I sighed inwardly to myself.

"Molly, are you okay?" My mom asked peeking back at me. I heard the worry and concern in her voice. I rolled my eyes at it, Where was your concern when I was raped? She sadly turned back around focusing her eyes on the house that came in the distance.

"Fix your attitude Molly, can't you see you're upsetting your Mom!" Dad snapped at me. My nose wrinkled in distaste, he shot me a death glare through the front mirror.

He put the car in park, I glanced to the door handle and into the street. "I'm sorry." I said and opened the door, running out into the streets. They called my name behind me, I ignored them the tears escaping from my eyes. I fell near a tree in a heavy breathing heap. I heard our car drive pass me seeing that I was carefully hidden.

I reached into my pocket pulling out the glass shard... and I cut. I cut every sorry away. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was raped, I'm sorry I'm your daughter, I'm sorry I'm alive, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I began crying harder each tear dripping down my chin.

"Molly! No!"

Arms wrapped tight around me. "No! No! Get off." I sobbed bringing my knees to my chest. "I got you." I was scooped up in a pair of arms that held me close. I finally looked up to see Adam.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, I broke my promise. I knew I wouldn't be able to quit, I was a fool to think I could. He didn't say anything, he just walked into his house with me in his arms and into the bathroom.

"Come on let's get you cleaned up." Gently sitting me down on the toilet seat, he roamed through the cabinets pulling out bandages and peroxide.

I turned my head as he poured the peroxide over my arm and wrapped it. I refused to look at him. Scared that I would see nothing but hate and disappointment.

"Molly look at me. Please look at me."

He placed his hands on my cheek, turning my face so that I could meet his eyes. His glorious purple eyes. "I can't." I said looking at the floor.

"Why? Just tell me why?" He pleaded as he placed the other hand on my cheek. I felt the heat  radiate from his hand and spread throughout my body. Yet, the feeling of hate and worthlessness still polluted me.

"Because I'm a disappointment."
I stated. A sad smile on my lips. It's all too true. Everything that I am expected to do I do the exact opposite, I'm nothing but a worthless waste of air.

"Look at me. No your not." He said looking deep into my eyes his eyes pleading for me to listen. Although, I was looking at him, my ears were closed I could only hear lies.  I laughed a little, "Yes I am. I'm a waste of air and space. The world could do without me."

His eyes got big and sad, and his mouth opened and closed trying to find words, it was a few minutes until he finally spoke, "Mine won't." He said running a hand through his hair.

I rolled my eyes at him. You can't care for a stranger. "Why won't you listen to me?" He strained.

"Why do you care? You don't know me. You have no idea what it's like." I said smiling as his expression changed. He began to pull off his shirt his hair ruffled as he did so. That made him look so fine, not mention he had a badass six pack. But, that's not the only thing I noticed. I noticed the long scar that trailed over his side starting from his left hip to his underarm. "Wha-"

"Suicide attempt."

"What?" I asked in disbelief. This spirited, purple eyed, fine boy was suicidal. I blinked multiple times trying to process  what I had just heard.

"I jumped. They said I was lucky to survive. I damaged a few organs, had to go through major surgery. By the time I was healed I realised that I was alive for a reason. I can help you Molly." He said stretching out his hand.

I looked at it oddly, frowning at it, "I can't be helped." I said sternly looking straight into his eyes. He looked at me square in the eyes making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. "Yes you can."

I shook my head, "How?" I asked. Adam smiled taking my hands and pulling me into a hug resting my head on his bare chest, "One day at a time."