Let Go (Wattys 2017)

Chapter Seven-Fall

I layed on the couch staring up at the ceiling fan. Watching it turn. Turn like the world we unfortunately live in slow and empty.

My eyes ran to Adam who slept on the floor like a protective guard dog. I smiled at him before, I thought about what he said to me last night and I thought about what would've happened if I had never bumped into him. I glanced at the wall to the ticking clock that read nine o'clock. It was time for me to leave. I timidly stepped over him and tip toed to the door.

Looking back at him one last time before I  opened and slipped out, closing it with a soft click.

Stepping out into the cold autumn air I watched the sleepy streets buzz with emptiness with the occasional car or plastic bag flying by.

The cold air nipped at my face making me shiver. I pulled my hoodie tighter around my frame and began walking over to the fence. It wasn't long until I noticed the cop car that was parked in our driveway.

I clapped my hand to my face groaning out of agitation. I wasn't up for this so early in the morning, but I'd rather get it over with and save myself the suspense.

I gripped the door knob to the house feeling it's cold metal before throwing the door open. It hit the wall with a loud thud I wouldn't be surprised if I made a hole in the wall.

Everyone's eyes were on me cold ones, sad ones and annoyed ones. I met my dad's cold stare, his face was twisted into an angry scowl and he was turning bright red. The police officer followed his gaze, "Is this your daughter?", he asked.

Dad nodded, "Come in Molly."

His voice was icy and cold. Nevertheless, I took small steps into the house coming to a stop near Tim. He slipped his hand into mine giving it a small squeeze.

My heart beat slowly inside my chest, I could hear it's echoes bounce off the walls. The officer cheered his throat, "It seems that your daughter is now home. So I will take my leave." He stood walking to the door before closing it.

We all sat in silence waiting until the sound of sirens disappeared down the road. "You're a disappointment."

My eyes flicked to Dad. I felt my heart sink at his words. My eyes were full of hurt and my chest tightened as I suppressed the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. My mother shook her head in sadness before walking out of the living room with Dad on her heels.

I stared hard at the couch where the police officer sat. I felt my hands twitching and I guess Tim felt it too because he gave me a sideways hug. I rested my head on his shoulder letting a single tear trail down my cheek. 

We stood there saying absolutely no words. I smiled at the fact that someone could still love me. And that someone being my brother.  

I felt a small buzz on my left hip. I reached in Tim's pocket pulling out his phone and began reading the caller ID. Lola.

I handed Tim his phone before walking towards the stairs. My heart felt heavy and my eyes felt dark. Lola was one of those people who I didn't deserve. It didn't feel right to put her through all my mess.

"Hey babe."

I heard Tim say I shook my head a smile breaking out on my face. He was really a good guy and I'm happy Lola got him. "Oh Molly?"

I stopped on the last step at the mention of my name, my hand stiffly resting on the rail. She was asking about me? No. No. No.

I heard finger snaps from Tim causing me to turn around. He smiled motioning to the phone. His eyes were full of hope. That would only continue to build up with each passing second. I shook my head before running upstairs into my room closing the door behind me.

I swallowed the guilt down and took a deep breath to calm my racing heart. I wanted to talk to her so bad, but I knew I couldn't. I wasn't the same rebellious, happy Molly anymore. I was dark. So very dark.

I noticed that my room was now clean. What I also noticed was that they took all the glass out. I laughed inwardly. I felt as if my room was one of those rooms with soft walls. A cage. Only thing is, cages don't have windows.

I opened my window tossing one leg out as I stepped on the roof. I inhaled the autumn  air letting it fill my lungs as I sat on the roof. It smelled crisp and free, my favorite time of the year. It let me imagine, to let go. To be free.

I let out a sigh and closed my eyes. I wonder what it would be like to fall. Will the wind lift me up? Or would I sink like a stone in water? More so I wondered what it would be like when you finally touch the ground. Would I go out like a light? Or would I fade like the sunset?

"What are you doing up there?"

My eyes opened and I smiled, Adam leaned against the fence staring up at me with those lavender eyes. "Just thinking." I said letting my eyes wonder around the block.

I noticed that Adam was still leaning against the fence a wide smile on his face. It made my heart flutter and I liked it. But, his stare that remained unmoving sent a tinge of fear in my soul.

"What are you staring at?" I asked his smile only grew. Creepy. "Are you going to invite me up." He asked with baby big eyes. I looked at him oddly, would it really be good for him to be so high. What if he tries to-

"Come on, do you honestly think I would jump in front of you." My mouth opened and closed as I thought about it, he chuckled to himself, "Please?"

I rolled my eyes letting out a sigh, "Okay." I smiled watching him hop the fence and climb the ladder that leaned against the house. "It's cold up here isn't it?"

I shrugged, "It takes the edge off." He nodded, "Want to talk about it?"

"No. I just want to listen."

"Fine, then I'll talk." I shrugged my shoulders still staring out into space. Listening to laughter of children, the swish of the wind as it blows in my hair, the sounds of life as the world spins, yet I'm stuck in the middle. The world keeps going yet to me, time has forever stopped.

"You thought I was going to jump if I came up here." He said with a smile. What was so cheery about that?

I looked at him out the corner of my eyes. He shook his head, " I'm past that now. Especially when I've found something to live for." I swallowed a lump down my throat. "Some things just aren't worth the time." I whispered staring down at my hands.

"Molly what's your deepest fear in life?"

He probably ignored my comment but I was grateful that he did. What people don't understand is that people like me, we don't want to be told how good life is, or how there's so much to live for, or how much we mean to someone. To us it's all a big lie. I know I don't want to be told, I want someone to show me. I want someone to show me love.

"Being alive." I rested my head on his shoulder heaving a sigh. He stroked my hair sending beautiful sensations through my body. "Well were going to stay alive and we're going to do it together." He smiled placing his hand into mine and I stayed the way I was, my head resting on his broad shoulder watching everyone else live, watching the world pause. Would I be wrong to actually like the feeling, or would I be wrong to admit I like Adam?