Darcy's diary [ h.s. updating ]

3.

harry

"I couldn't tell her yet..." I mumble to Eleanor who gives me a reassuring hug.

How do you even tell a seven year old girl that her mom isn't coming back?

"You'll have to tell her sooner or later. I mean, what about the funeral? You can't hide it from her, Harry" she says, sadly.

"What if I do? Just until she's a bit older" I croak and shut my eyes.

"Her Mom just suddenly disappears and never came back? She deserves to see her Mom one last time..." she says and stands up, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

"Harry, she misses her already and it hasn't even been a day. All the while she couldn't about anyone but Mel" Niall tells me. His eyes are bloodshot and his face is blotchy. He's been crying a lot too. Hell, everyone here has been crying.

"Mate, we need to go" Zayn chokes back a sob. Perrie has her arm around his waist and by the look on her face, she's devastated too.

"Yep, coming" I mumble and Niall wraps his arm around my shoulder as we walk out the door.

"Where's Lou?" Liam asks from behind us.

"Right here" he answers glumly as he goes down the stairs.

* - * - *

louis

"No! I want my Mommy! Where's Mommy?!" Soph thrashes on my shoulders as I bring her up to her room.

I am immediately bombarded by questions.

"Why won't Mom come home?!" she sobs as I place her gently on the bed.

Because she can't. Tears begin to blur my eyesight.

"Did Mommy leave me?! She doesn't love me anymore?"

"Of course she does, bug" I choke a sob back as I sit down beside Soph.

She didn't leave on purpose and she still does love you.

"Is she coming back?" she asks.

"You'll see her soon" I say, calmly.

That would still take some time.

"Where is she?" She asks, giving me quite a headache.

"In a better place" I answer truthfully.

In heaven, my mind says.

"Where? Can I go there?" She asks me.

You need to die to go there.

"You're too young to go there, baby" I whisper and stroke her hair.

"Why is Daddy crying then?" She asks.

Because your Mom is not coming back for now. Your daddy will have to raise you and Ivan alone for some time.

"He'll tell you tomorrow. Get some sleep. Good night, Soph" I tell her soothingly and kiss her forehead.

"Good night, Uncle Lou" she calls out from behind. "I love all of you" she adds.

"We love you too, princess" I sigh and head down the stairs to help with the funeral preparations.

- * - * -

darcy

My eyes hurt and I toss and turn in bed. I try to fall asleep but I can't. Instead I decide to write to Mommy. I want to mail my letters to her. Maybe she'll get them and write back.

Dear Mommy,

I don't really understand why you left me and Daddy for now. At least that's what Uncle Louis told me. He said that you're in a better place and I can't go there because I'm too young. You never told me there was a place you need to go to when you're old. Why didn't you say goodbye, then? I wanna grow up already so I can be with you again. Why hasn't Daddy left yet if you did? Will he leave me like you did too? Can I come along with him? I miss you. Everyone has been crying a lot. Come back. Please Mommy?

Does this mean you won't sing me to sleep anymore? Because I can't sleep right now.

Love,

Darcy

I hide my notebook under my pillow and soon fall asleep as I look at my princess nightlight.

"Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she precious, less than one minute old..."

My eyes flutter open after I hear that voice.

"Mommy?" I call out.

"Mommy!" I smile as she sits down beside me. She wraps me in her arms. Mommy's so much more beautiful. She's wearing white and has a crown of flowers in her hair.

"Hi princess" she laughs happily.

"I miss you Mommy. Why didn't you come home?" I tell her, tears falling down my cheeks.

"I miss you too. But I can't be with you anymore. I'm in a better place now" she answers.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" I sob.

"You'll understand when you're older, baby. But for now always remember something okay?"

I nod.

"Always remember that I'm in your heart, wherever you go. I love you so much" She says.

"I love you too Mommy. Will I see you again?"

"Soon, baby. Can you promise me one last thing?"

"Of course" I smile, tears still falling down my cheeks.

"Promise to be a big, strong and good girl for Daddy, okay?" She says, wiping the tears away from my eyes,

"Yes, Mommy. I promise" I tell her.

"Good. Now what do you want me to sing?" She asks me.

"Isn't She Lovely..."

As the song ends, Mommy's voice slowly fades away.

"Mommy?" I call out. Nothing. I check the time on the wall. 7:00 AM. Nothing. Mommy's not coming back.