Darcy's diary [ h.s. updating ]

13.

Harry's POV

I sigh and shut my car door and open the back door to my Range Rover and pull out Ivan's stroller. I then unbuckle Ivan from his car seat and smile down at my little boy. I dressed him up in a blue onesie with matching socks and a beanie.

"Dada" He gurgles and looks up at me, smiling as he shows his baby teeth at me. An exact replica of his mom.

"Hey there little man. Ready to see Mom?" I ask as he tilts his head a little bit. Well, duh. I don't think he even understands a single thing. I shake my head and lift him up.

"You get heavier every day. Mom would have been so proud of you" I mumble as my stomach ties into knots. I place Ivan in his stroller and take out the bouquet of white roses, her favorite.

The walk to her tombstone sends chills down my spine. Never would have I imagined that I would be visiting the girl I love here.

I sigh and stand a fair distance away from her. I place the stroller and signal for Ivan to stay put. My palms are sweating as I grip onto the bouquet and lay it down on the ground. On my knees, I trace her name with shaky fingers. A tear rolls down my cheek and onto the cement.

"Hey, uhm. I'm sorry if I haven't been visiting" I mumble, scratching the back of my neck.

"Well, I made it up to you. Someone's here to visit with me" I smile and walk over to Ivan who is now playing with his rattle. His eyes dart up to me and he smiles. I pick him up and walk back to her grave.

"Iv's here with me" I explain and let Ivan walk and crawl onto the stone while I sit down cross - legged on the grass. "He's such a big boy now, isn't he? He looks exactly like you.."

"I'm sorry I didn't bring Darce. She has school. Yes, I know I should have homeschooled her like what we talked about..." I groan and place my face in my hands.

"It's just that I didn't want to keep her locked away from the world. I want her to grow up as a normal kid..."

I swear if people were here they'd think I'm going crazy.

"The last world tour? Of course I'm going to take her and Ivan" I sigh and lay down onto my stomach with Ivan sitting on top of me.

"Mel, I have no idea what I'm doing anymore..." I begin to sob again. The pain, the guilt, it's still there. It's still existent.

I sit up and let my mind wander off.

"I'm definitely excited to pop this little one out" she sighs happily as we begin looking for baby items online. She didn't want to bother with going to the mall when we could order the things we needed right here.

I smile to myself and kiss the top of her head.

"You're excited to be a dad again, right?" she teases. "Of course" I chuckle and sit down next to her on the bed.

"What's wrong baby?" she asks and takes my face in her hands. "Nothing. I'm just nervous" I whisper and she kisses my nose.

"You'll do great okay?" The thing is I'm scared. I'm scared I'll miss most of this baby's life just like what I did with Darcy.

I nod.

"Okay, now for baby names" she laughs.

Little did I know I would be doing this alone now.