Darcy's diary [ h.s. updating ]

16.

Change.

Something that occurs whenever a tragedy happens. It may be for the best or for the worst. It is definitely something inevitable.

In my case, things changed when I turned seven years old when my world was tossed upside down. Yes, I was given a beautiful baby brother and I still had a loving father but things were just... different. I guess the change hasn't sunk in yet.

"Alright, grab your bag" Dad tells me as he smooths Ivan's hair and places the small beanie on.

"You sure you can't stay any longer?" Louis mutters from the couch.

"It's a school night, Lou" Dad raises his eyebrows.

"It's only 7 pm... Well, okay. But you can come over whenever you want to okay?" He sing songs. The thing about Uncle Louis is that he's beyond unpredictable and the little boy in him just never grew up. I like to think of him as Peter Pan. He'll definitely be forever young.

We say our goodbyes and get into Dad's Range Rover with Ivan strapped into his car seat at the back. I can't help but feel annoyed at my father for not taking me along when they visited mom. Sure, I had class but couldn't he wait until I got back? It may seem unfair but I miss my Mom too.

The car ride is silent apart from the engine and car horns here and there. I look out the window and see a full moon with thousands of stars scattered into the black sky.

"How was school?" Dad asks as he gently taps his fingers on the steering wheel. Images of the people at school flash in my head and I immediately shut them out. 

"Fine, just fine."

"If there's something wrong you know that you can always tell me right baby?" You wouldn't understand. You obviously weren't bullied, dad. Mom told me you were a proper show off during your school days, I think.

But I choose to remain quiet.

"Yeah, I know. Love you" I mumble. 

"Love you too Darce. Mommy would have been proud of you" He smiles up at me and pulls up into our driveway.

Mom,

everyday is a step closer to finally understanding that I won't be seeing you for quite some time. But that's how life is right? Things change. I wish they didn't though.

I miss being you and Daddy's little girl. I miss spending time with you. I miss everything. The walks in the park, going to the beach, having dinner together, and even our bedtime stories. I hope I'll get to talk to you soon even in my dreams.

I love you. Daddy and Ivan do too. But I love you most. Haha.

Darcy x

The following day goes by quickly. I have classes in the morning and Dad comes to pick me up along with Ivan.

It is a Friday afternoon and I happen to be looking for Ivan's pacifier when I decide to enter Dad and Mom's room. Maybe Dad left it there. Ever since Mom died, Dad didn't want anything in the room to be moved or transferred. He wanted everything to remain the same place as Mom had left it.

I take a peek under the bed and a brown box lays there all covered in dust. I know dad would be beyond upset if he knew about me touching it but hey, it must have been here all these past years.

Letters with different numbers fill the inside of the box and I can't help but notice my name on most of them.