Darcy's diary [ h.s. updating ]

18.

The letters were written for me. 

It's weird how I just discovered this now. I quickly make a promise to myself that everyday I would read at least one letter. 

All of my memories of Mom are in there and I need that. I need them to keep me going. 

I wash and  wipe the blue pacifier with a clean kitchen towel. I scurry over to Ivan's crib and place it gently into his mouth. His dark black eyes stare into my green ones as he smiles up at me. I kiss his forehead as he begins to finally settle down. 

"Love you bub. Go to sleep" I mumble and sing him the song Mom used to sing to me.

Baby girl, 

 Writing letters like these were never easy. First, they're tiring and second I have you to take care of. Imagine the pain of a screaming child and you haven't even gotten to sit down properly. 

"Trust me Mom. I know the feeling now" I mumble to myself as I roll onto my side. This must be Mom's shortest letter.

But I wouldn't give it up for anything. I love you. Always remember that. 

I always love your stubborn dad as well, baby. 

He'll be back for us, someday. 

Promise me you'll always be a good girl if he does.

Mom.

"This just gets weirder and sadder" I sigh. I tuck the letter underneath my pillows and decide to do my homework for the following week.

"Hey baby. Need any help?" Dad knocks on the door silently. 

"Not really daddy, just this math equation" I sigh as he sits on the edge of my bed. 

"Oh, well you know I was never good with math" he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. 

"I know. Mom said so" I grin and he laughs.

"Hey! Okay, so maybe she was the honor student of her time" he smiles, a tint of sadness in his eyes. 

"It's been three years, dad. I miss her" I sigh, closing my math book. I make my way over to the bed and sit on his lap. He hugs me close and kisses my head.

"I know baby girl but we'll have to move on someday. Not now, but I think your Mom would have wanted us to be happy" he smiles and ruffles my hair.

"Yep. She was such a happy person. It's just tragic how we lost her" I mutter, cuddling into his chest. 

After a few minutes of silence, Dad decides to speak up.

"Baby, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about" Dad says.

My heart beats quickly as I look up at him.

"What is it, daddy?" I ask, readying myself for the worst.

"Well uhm... we're going back on tour..."