What it's like to be awkward.

Mission impossible

Scared.

I'm scared.

Scared of myself.

Scared of what I do.

Scared of what I am feeling.

What's going on with me?

Why am I crying?

Why am I?

Just why?

Why?

------

Those red drops won't stop, it's too deep this time. Too dark and fresh. Some small part of my brain yells at me to stop. Stop, it's stupid. The other part whispers keep going, you're stupid.

Somehow...somehow the whispers have a bigger impact on me then the yells do.

------

"Wake up sleepy head!" An annoyingly chipper voice sings.

I peel open an eye, seeing my mum, scrunching it closed again.

"Aww don't be like that, baby cakes!" Mum jumps on to the bed next to me and tries to tickle me.

"Mum! Get off!" I laugh shoving her away.

"Aw poor Bub, are you still sweepy?" She mimics a pout.

"...are you drunk?" I look at her skeptically.

"Do I need an excuse to be in a good mood?"

"Yes, especially at..." I check my phone, "oh, it's 9:30ish, whatever." I roll over onto my side to face away from her.

"Yep, get up princess" she slaps my butt, opens the blinds and walks out of my room.

Yeah Scarlett, get up. Time to face the music, show your battle scars...

More like giving up scars...

The voice in my head is back, the one that yelled at me.

You did what you needed to- no harm done.

The whispers try to comfort me.

"Shut up!" I hiss, scraping my head with my nails, "just shut up." The lump in my throat is growing. A solid ball of regret crushing my wind pipes.

The angel and the devil on my shoulders play tug of war with my thoughts. If I could get the devil to stop talking I would, the only problem is I'm not sure which voice is the devil.

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Elise: Holidays wooooo I can't wait to see the conjuring with you, m'ladies ;) x

My phone buzzes on the kitchen bench, basically vibrating the whole house.

Crystal: You're shitting yourself if you think I'm watching that movie. No way. Nope.

"Is that swearing? That's not very lady like..." John peers over at my phone disapprovingly.

Oh, shut up mr boring.

If only I could actually say that.

"Uhh no. No that's not swearing, it's a typo?" I cringe

"A typo for what? 'You're sitting yourself?" He raises an eyebrow

"John, Scarlett isn't in charge of what her friends say." Mum laughs.

"Don't worry, my friends don't swear." Rose says innocently.

"That's bullsh-...rubbish. You swear more than anyone on earth Rose!" I protest.