What it's like to be awkward.

Have you been living under a rock?!

Excited. Excited and nervous...but mostly shocked. Why did I agree to this plan? These are my thoughts right now, this is how I'm feeling, lying in the dark, on a blow up mattress in Crystals bedroom, with both girls on either side of me.

The other two fell asleep ages ago and pretty much straight away, well, Crystal was on her phone but I think she fell asleep.

But me, I've never been one to fall asleep easily, nor stay asleep without a thought interrupting me. Thoughts like these ones. The perks of anxiety...

Oh yeah, oops, I feel like I should have mentioned it before, I have anxiety and mild depression. When you add the fact that I'm socially awkward, I'm quite the package.

I haven't told many people about these details though, it feels like a label. My parents told me not to let these 'personality traits' define me, but sometimes... sometimes I fall into a black hole and just want to tell the whole world how I feel, just to dig for affection, as pathetic as that is.

I know that nobody's perfect, Hannah Montana taught me that, and I know that everyone has their own demons, but...

Is it selfish of me to only be focusing on mine? I mean, sometimes when I'm so buried in my own problems, I think everyone else has it better than me. When they complain or vent, like normal people, I try not to scoff at them for being so 'dramatic' because their life is fine.

But...in actual fact, there is nothing wrong with them expressing their feelings, and maybe I'm being a selfish and jealous asshole for not caring enough about anyone else...but it's not like that, I'm just...I'm just so lost in my thoughts all the time...

Before I know it, I'm in tears, shivering and shaking and trying to breathe quietly in an attempt to not wake up Elise and Crystal.

It doesn't work though.

I feel an arm wrap around my waist and a head fall to my shoulder, and hear Crystals reassuring voice in my ear.

"Hey, hey it's okay, it's okay, hey, I'm here"

I clutch onto her arm that is slung over me and try to stop shaking.

I then hear Elise start to stir and wake up.

"Guys, shut the fuck up I'm sleepi-oh shit, are you okay?" Elise's voice changes from pissed off to concerned, and I feel like an over dramatic prick. How did this start?

Oh yeah, I was thinking about how I felt about the whole number in the locker fiasco, then about me finding it hard to sleep because of my thoughts, and now...

"She'll be okay, I think she had a nightmare, but she's okay. You're okay Scarlett"
Crystal answers.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Elise asks me again, meaning I'll have to talk.

Am I okay?

"Uh-mm y-yeah," I clear my throat and wipe my eyes with my hands, "I'm okay, it was a nightmare." I nod

"Can we know what it was about?"

"Umm..." I try to Think of something good to say

"Elise, she wouldn't want to talk about her nightmare, can you not feel her shaking?" I'm imagining that Crystal is rolling her eyes at Elise right now, but I can't see anything due to the dark room.

"No, it's fine, it was another one about my parents." It's not exactly a lie, majority of my nightmares include them.

I feel Elise scoot closer to me and rest her head on my pillow next to my head.

"What happen-? I mean, sorry I asked" She whispers.

"No, it's okay...it feels better to get it off my chest and out into the open, or out into the closed because this room is closed..." I attempt a joke and only get two head shakes from both my best friends.