H.E.L.P. ... I'm addicted

Part 12 - Consider this

Entering summer, Stevie was still  not pregnant, leaving her with so many other options besides the natural conception, her doctor going over In vitro fertilization to even a surrogate. She spent most of her time near Robin's memorial, letting out all of her feelings, trying to at least have some sort of connection with a child of her own. It was beginning to eat at her, Lindsey doing his best to make sure that she ate properly. His assumption was her health and that could definitely play a role in why she was not conceiving, keeping her on all sorts of vitamins, even looking in to ways to strengthen his sperm. He'd do anything to see Stevie happy again and it had been weeks since he'd seen her smile, only when she would be taking yet another pregnancy test, did he see some sort of light in her eyes. Every time she would wait for the results to show on the stick, it would show negative, putting her back in to that mode where it felt hopeless.

"Stephanie," speaking softly as he got down on to the bathroom floor with her, another test showing negative as she stared across the room, not even strong enough to cry. "Baby, we can't give up."

"I don't know what to do anymore, Lindsey, and the only other options now are to have me artificially inseminated...but I wanted it like any other normal woman, to make love."

"Dammit," he cursed to himself, holding her while they rocked, "...I will do everything in my power to make sure that you get pregnant! Just because we need some help, it doesn't mean that it still wouldn't be real, that I still wouldn't have gotten you pregnant."

"How easily I've been able to get pregnant before, how the fvck is it so hard now?!" slamming her fist in to the wall.

Lindsey took her by the face, "Look at me, Steph! Maybe we are trying too hard, did you think of that? Huh? Why don't we just not focus on it, go about our everyday lives, then let it be a miracle."

"But what if something is wrong with me? What if I just can't conceive properly?"

"Or what if it's me? You're the first woman I've gotten pregnant...Or, was it my child at all?"

"How could you say something like that...?"  slapping him across the face.

Rubbing at his jaw, he shook his head, "I don't know...I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

They grew silent, just sitting on the cold marbled floor as they thought to themselves, wondering why it was so hard to have a child when they were doing all the right things.

Eventually, Stevie gave in after a few more tries, making an appointment with the doctor to set up a time to go through the In vitro fertilization, going over all of the steps as Lindsey listened intently. He could tell in Stevie's eyes that she was not happy that it had come to this, wishing in all his power that he could change it, get this done properly so he could make  her happy.

"Hey," pulling her to the side as they left the office, taking her hands, "...I just want you to know that if this doesn't work out, I'm willing to adopt. There are so many children out there that are looking for love and I know that we could make one lucky kid very happy."

Shaking her head, she bit back her tears, "No," putting on her sunglasses. "I am having a baby. I am having your baby and that is the only option."

"Shhhh..." hugging her, "...okay, baby, if that is what you want then that is what you will get," kissing her lips while he smoothed back her hair.

"I want a little girl with dark brown curls, your curls," touching his hair, "...and your blue eyes, crystal blue."

"And what if she looks like her mother?" smiling. "What if she has large brown eyes, pouty red lips, and porcelain skin?"

Smiling back at him, she had a vision in her mind, their beautiful Robin, how beautiful they truly would have been.