The Boyfriend Diaries

15) G'day mate, you've called the hot-girl hotline-

    Chapter Fifteen: G'day mate, you've called the hot-girl hotline.

    How typical was it of Melissa to ring me whilst I was in the middle of texting Darren? I was tempted to hang up and ignore her until I'd finished messaging him, but I could just see her reaction in my head. Red faced and annoyed, ringing me over and over and over again until I eventually answered. There was no easy way out of this one.

    Pressing the green button I put on a deep, foreign voice and said, “G'day mate, you've call the hot-girl hotline. To speak to a blonde press one. To speak to a brunette press two. To-”

    “Shay give it up I know it's you. That's the worst Australian accent I have ever heard, you should be ashamed of yourself.”

    “To bugger off, press the red button. Now.”

    I could hear Melissa laughing on the other end of the phone and my resolve caved in as I joined her.

    “You're such an idiot.” Liss stated, I could imagine her shaking her head right now.

    “And you're annoying! I'm busy with my work, this business wont run itself, you know.” I whined, wondering if that'd do the trick to make Melissa end the call and never ring again for the rest of the night.

    “Oh, yeah? You don't work! What business?”

    “I've decided to call it the S-P-B Corporation. Shay's Perfect Boyfriend Corporation, to you and me. You've hired me, so I'm working. Invoice will be in the mail once mission is complete.”

    “Oh great. No best friend discounts then?”

    “Nope.”

    “Douche-bag. What are you doing anyway?”

    “Well I was in the middle of texting Darren, writing in Ki's diary of all the things that went wrong last week, and his lousy, stuck-up personality. Seriously, that boy needs bringing back to earth. In his head he's probably exploring space, going where no nerd has ever dared to venture before! And I'm also thinking about how to introduce shy, quiet little Ally to Nate.”

    “Wow, careful there Shay if you over-work your brain all of a sudden it's gonna turn to mush.”

    “You say that like I don't use my brain a whole lot.” I muttered, suspiciously.

    “No comment.” She retorted then quickly changed the subject. “So what's Darren been saying?”

    My arm began to ache and so I quickly switched the phone to my other ear and sprawled out across my bed on my stomach.

    “How awesomely fun and hot I am.” And I say this with a major roll of my eyes. Although to him he thought he was making me blush and swoon. Inside I was dry heaving. I wasn't the kind girl to jump up and down on the spot and nearly die at the mere mention of being thought of as hot.

    The world hot reminded me of a dry, desolate, cracked, sandy desert. Now unless he was trying to hint that I looked like a ninety-year-old hag who was desperately trying to cling to her years of being twenty, with a tango-tan and wrinkles cracking my skin, I was not hot. That, my dear Darren, is an insult. But I didn't expect any less from him.

    “Seriously?” Melissa squealed, clearly excited as if he had just said those exact words to her. Clearly my best friend did not share the same dictionary as I did. I made a note to lend it to her in the near future, she might learn a few things.

    “Yes, seriously Liss. Of course he's going to compliment me in his own weird way. I am a goddess, did you expect any less?”

    She snorted crudely. “I guess not.”