Fitting in

Chapter 19

   Jesse watched as Jason answered his phone a little out of breath. He put up his index fingering signaling for her to give him a minute.

   “Hey Brett.” He breathed into the phone looking a little panicked. Jesse’s heart jumped, and she got up to pace around his room. The magnitude of the betrayal she was enacting upon her friend suddenly hit her.

   “Uh, no, I’m at the gym right now.” He said into the phone. Jesse got up to get her stuff; they were lying to her now. Brett had told Jesse all her pent up lies the other day, and Jesse couldn’t even tell her the truth about what was happening.

   “Sure, I’ll meet the legendary Witte family tomorrow. “ Jason said coming up to Jesse, he placed his hand over hers, signaling for her to stop picking up her things.

   “What ever you say.” He laughed, and then hung up.

   “Jason I don’t want to do this anymore.”

   “Don’t want to do what?” He asked winding a strand of her hair around his finger. He unfurled the strand and tucked it behind her ear, while kissing her cheek.

   “This! I can’t keep lying to my best friend!” She said pushing him back.

   “It’s not a lie if she doesn’t ask about it. Besides, I don’t know what I’d do without you Jesse. Brett’s so cold and distant, you’re nothing like her.” He said bending down to kiss her. Jesse indulged in Jason a while longer before the guilt began to creep in on her again. How did she even get herself in this mess? Thinking back on the moment, she remembered it was at the party after Dave’s rape attempt. On the way to drop Brett off, Jesse had been such a spastic worried mess and Jason was the perfect comforter. At first she though his interest in her was to get back at Brett for being with Dave, but as the days passed she realized Jason and Brett were a total wrong match. She and Jason definitely had more in common, and Jason seemed to notice it too. Instead of spending days hanging out with Brett like they had done junior year, Jesse found her self spending one to many summer nights with her best friend’s boyfriend.

   “I really can’t do this anymore!” Jesse said pulling apart, she lunged to grab her purse, but Jason snatched it before she could.

   “I don’t need it!” She yelled running for the door.

   “Wait Jesse!.” He said running up to her, Jason gently grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him.

   “If the guilt is really consuming you that much, I’ll break up with her. Or end whatever it is we have.”

   “No! You’d break up with her then come to me, that’d be like stabbing a knife in her back!”

   “But I don’t want Brett, I want you.” He said taking both of Jesse’s hands in his.

   “How does the guilt not consume you Jason?” she asked staring down at the ground.

   “I don’t know. Maybe because I know she doesn’t even like me. I feel like she only uses me to help her image.”

   “That’s not true.”

   “But it is! I feel as if she’s never herself around me, she’s always happy around other guys, and it’s as if I’m sucking the life out of her.”

   Other guys… Jesse suddenly remembered what Brett had told her Friday. There was another guy! Brett was doing the same exact thing to Jason, as he was doing to her. At once, she realized Jason and Brett were “dating” each other for the same reasons, to fulfill other people’s expectations, to fit in. The thought calmed her nerves a little, after all Brett didn’t really even like Jason.

   “Okay, maybe we can do this then.”

   “Really? Are you sure?” He said stroking her cheek.

   “Yea, yup, after all it isn’t really lying if she never asks.” Jesse said leaning her head against his chest. Jason bent down to kiss it and said, “I can still break up with her if you want? I just don’t want to lose you.”

   “Do you not believe me Jason? I’m not going to leave you, I don’t feel as guilty anymore.”

    “I don’t want you to feel guilty at all, I’m breaking up with her.”

   “No!” Jesse screamed. She imagined losing her best friend after days of finally meeting the real her, the one that enjoyed painting, and was actually smart. She couldn’t lose the opportunity to be a part of a world, so little were allowed in.

   “No Jason, whatever you do don’t break up with her. I’m fine.” She said unbuttoning his shirt.

   “What are you doing?” He asked with a mischievous look in his eye.

   “Proving to you it doesn’t bother me. I love you Jason, and I want to give you something Brett never would.” Jesse said stopping midway down his shirt.

   Jason grinned down at her, “I love you too.” He said bending down to kiss her over his bed.

   At home, Brett shivered at the dinner table. She had woken up at the smell of ribs and potatoes, and was ready to indulge.

   “What’s wrong with you?” Blake asked from across the table.

   “It feels like someone just walked over my grave.”