To Keep From Getting Burned

Drunk On Shadows

Lilith's  POV  : 

Everything was silent after I said my explanation and my feelings until a little meow sounded and Jason came running in he jumped on the recliner and got on my chest and started to cuddle me and purring making me giggle as he found a comfortable position putting his head in the crook of my neck and the rest of his body on my chest I started petting him making him purr even more.

I looked up to see everyone's faces with amused expressions I then looked at Kuza and he laughed "He always knows when your upset" "I suppose so" but then I looked at the guys again my face turning into a serious expression once more. And then the guys started to speak up one at a time of course as I would guess Chris spoke first "But what if we want you in our life what if.....what if when you left it only made it worse" "But-" as I was trying to speak I got caught off by Angelo "Yea what if we've always wanted you in our life yea you might of hurt us but we forgave you, but when you left every single one of us broke apart for the longest time"

I looked down in shame, shame for myself but then I started to get angry and that hatred for myself started to boil over and all I had in my head was rage for myself before I could anything irrational Kuza was suddenly there holding me again "Calm down Lu please I know what your thinking you need to push it away you need to you'll go into another down whirl spiral and you were doing so good so so good just calm down" he said then Ricky spoke up his voice shaky and concerning "What do you mean another 'down whirl spiral' Kuza" he then spoke up for me since I wasn't in a good place at the moment I got up from the recliner and got my phone and immediately hooked it up to the aux cord and speakers in our house and played Nightmare by Sounds Like Harmony  Tyler's voice echoing throughout the house. Cause my shaking hands to not shake as bad and then Kuza spoke again "What I mean by that Ricky is that this has happened once before she puts herself down constantly for what she has done to you guys I can practically know what she feels cause I know her that well she starts to feel hatred and anger that has been building up she feels sorrow for what's she's done and worst of all she hates herself for it"

I try to keep calm through this whole ordeal I hear Chris curse at himself. Kuza then gets up and picks me up and puts me in his lap like those weeks ago with what happened with Ang I just focus on his heartbeat slowly listening then I spoke up again "Guys I know you want to be in my life again but I'm scared I'm gonna hurt you again and I won't be able to deal if I do again so how bout a compromise" they all nod.

"Let's all go somewhere and catch up but for the time being we can have a sleepover and you guys can sleep at my place ok" we all smile at each other "Ok you can get yourselves  settled I'm going up stairs and changing clothes" I then go and get my phone and head upstairs to my room. My room had a beautiful gothic purple and black wallpaper with a couple posters here and there consisting of The Cure, Rob Zombie, Misfits and H.I.M I had a beautiful cherry wood bed post with the most comfortable mattress and black and red sheets and a black fluffy and the most softest blanket. I walk to my dresser that also has a gothic black Mirror attached to the top of it and my make up scattered on the top of my dresser. I open my drawers and grab a black tank top and a black pair of shorts that say 'I ♡ skulls" on the back.

I start to untie my corset dress that is tied in the back I stop for a minute and put my hair to my right shoulder I then start to untie my dress as I do my door suddenly come open I look in my mirror and it's Chris is mouth wide open and then he closes his mouth and shut and closes his door behind him and comes up behind me.

His fingers tracing my neck "Need some help" "Yes please" he puts one hand around my waist and slowly starts to untie my dress he finally does and I start to shimmy it down my legs his fingers tracing my back I know where this is going and I kinda want it but on the other hand I don't because  even though I've had feelings for Chris for some time and they haven't gone away doesn't mean the second he's back in my life we can do whatever plus I thought he didn't want nothing to do with me he never seemed interested.

I turn towards him with me in a black bra and underware and stare into his eyes "Thanks" I say "I think you can go now" he nods his eyes never leaving my body he then steps closer to me and the arm around my waist doesn't leave in fact he pulls me closer to him and puts his head in my neck and starts kissing my neck I let out a a shaky breath.

He then let's go and I hear him murmur "Keep control, control yourself" I grab my clothes and put them on then Chris all of a sudden says "Umm I'll see you downstairs" then erratically leaves out the door I go to my vanity and start to take my make up off.

Thinking what the hell just happened

Ok as promised 2nd weekend update accomplished hope you enjoyed I was actually not expecting to make such a long chapter but I'm happy I did for you guys so hopefully after this update I'll be starting soon on chapter 9 see you soon my little bat creeps love you lots
--Creepy_fallen_Creature