AILWAG Book2: His Promise [Published under Pop Fiction books]

[79] My Fault

[79] MY FAULT

KURT'S POV

Crystal never did talked to me eversince she gave birth. Whenever I tried to visit her, she would always yell and throw things at me. But despite of it, I still didn't stop seeing her. Tuwing natutulog siya, saka lang ako pumapasok sa hospital room niya.

It has been almost a week since she gave birth. Five days to be exact. Wala pa ring sinasabi ang doctor tungkol sa improvement ng kalagayan ng anak namin. Like Crystal, I am also blaming myself about what happened to our child. Kasalanan ko naman talaga ito. Ako na talaga ang g*go.

Pinagsisisihin ko na rin naman ang ginawa ko. Handa ako sa kung anumang mabibitawan pang masasakit na salita nila sa akin. Ang akin lang, ayokong ipagkait nila sa akin ang anak ko. Iniisip ko pa lang na ilalayo nila sa akin ang mag-ina ko, hindi ko na kaya.

"Understand you? I always did, Kurt. Just this once please do understand my feelings as well. Ako naman ang intindihin mo... Intindihin mo kung bakit hindi ko ipapahawak sayo ang anak ko."

Idinikit ko ang noo ko sa glass window ng NICU. Hindi ako nagsasawang titigan ang anak ko mula dito sa labas. Kahit na hindi ko pa siya nahahawakan man lang, mas gugustuhin ko pa rin na tignan siya mula sa labas kesa ang malayo siya sa akin. I admit, I got so hella scared when Crystal said that to me. She's right. She needs a lot of understanding now. She's been through a lot of hardships. Alam kong pinanghihinaan na siya ng loob at galit lang siya sa akin kaya niya nasabi yun.

I almost held my breath when I heard a familiar voice from my behind.

"You want to hold her, don't you?"

Nilingon ko ang Mommy ni Crystal sa likod ko. She's with my Dad and no wonder why he's here. Whenever he finds time, he would always drop by here just to see his apo. Ayos naman sa Mommy ni Crystal ang presensya namin dito. Hindi ko lang alam sa Daddy niya. Parehas ni Gail, nararamdaman ko ang malamig na treatment nila sa amin.

"I badly want to hold her." I replied breathlessly.

She showed me an approving smile and then tilted back her head behind her. Kasabay nun ay ang paglapit sa amin ng isang nurse. Dahil dun ay nakaramdam ako ng excitement. Excitement dahil mahahawakan ko na ang anak ko sa unang pagkakataon.

"Just a minute will do, Kurt. Alam mo namang ayaw na ayaw ni Crystal na pahawakan sayo ang anak niyo."

Ibinalik ko ulit ang tingin ko sa incubator ng anak ko. Kasabay nun ay pasimpleng pagpunas ng nangingilid kong luha sa mga mata ko. Sh*t... Finally.

"Thanks po," I murmured to her.

"Bilisan mo na. Pumasok ka na," she said urgently. "Ikaw, Lucas? Sumama ka na sa loob."

Urgently, we went inside the NICU for the first time. My knees went weak when I saw the nurse taking Kyra out of the NICU bed. My throat suddenly felt swollen when she places it in my arms.

I couldn't help myself to cry silently out of joy. I don't care about the people who may see us. All that matters is that I already held my baby for the first time.

"Ang liit niya, Dad."

Dad ran his index finger to her nose and then chuckled, "She looks so beautiful. Namana niya ang lips mo, Kurt. Mukhang singkit pa..."

Parang ayoko na siyang bitiwan sa mga braso ko. I felt wonderful holding a baby for the first time. Not even to Mariz' child. Walang duda na anak ko nga siya. No need to run any test. I already felt the joy of a father.