Unspoken

letter 03

(A/N: Dedication goes to withstand because her sweet comment made my day.)

03 / letter to your parents

Dear Parents,

This is so hard for me to do. Writing a letter that is, especially to you two. Right now I’m sitting in that old chair that Aunt Betty left us when she passed away. I’m in the backyard looking at the sunset trying to escape from you guys. You’re inside at the moment fighting about God knows what. These are the only times I can let my guard down, because Oliver is at grandma’s house and I don’t have to be worrying about you taking your anger out on him. I suppose I should split this letter in half. One for each of you.

Dad,

You’re horrible. I don’t know what else to say and I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You’re mean and cold and you always hurt me. Always. I used to blame myself for it, since you always blamed me for everything. I heard it so many times, I started believing it. Lately, I haven’t been blaming myself, I’m blaming you and it feels great to blame someone other than yourself, it really does.

I blame your actions on the way you were raised. Your dad was just like you, mean and hurtful. Your mom was never around to show you love. You grew up like a robot, without feelings or emotion or a sense of regret. I hope one day you regret what you’ve done to Oliver and me. I hate the way you treat us like we’re worth nothing and I can’t wait to get Oliver away from you, he’s just a kid, he doesn’t deserve any of this.

You always do the same thing, you take your drunken anger out on us. You try to hurt Oliver but I’d never let you hurt him. You can push me around as much as you want, but you’ll never hurt him.

It’s sad how I’m scared of my own father but I am. I’m scared of coming home to you. I’m scared of being called cruel names and being slapped around. All your actions have made me so bitter, that I can’t find compassion or love for you in my heart anymore, and that’s how I know that you’ve just gone too far. I could always forgive you but deep in my heart I could never forget what you’ve done.

I feel sorry for you, because you hate yourself, I know you do. You try to make me hate myself too, but I’ll never stoop so low. I’ll always try to be better and I’d never hurt people like you’ve hurt me.

I really hope you get help dad.

Sincerely,

Olivia

 -

Mom,

I suppose I should thank you for bringing me into this world even though Aunt Betty always said you never wanted me. I suppose I can’t blame you, you were seventeen when you had me. You were only a year older than I am now, I couldn’t raise a kid either. I just wish you weren’t so blunt about it. I mean it hurts when you talk about how you wish you didn’t have kids, sure, I may seem numb to your words, but sometimes I can still feel my heart shattering. I don’t even know how you manage to break it any more than it already is, but you do.

You’re better than dad I guess. You take care of Oliver sometimes, which I’m really grateful for. You don’t really treat him bad but you never really do defend him either which really angers me. I always have to step in and help him while you sit around doing nothing, sometimes I wonder how you can just stand around and see your own flesh and blood getting slapped around and screamed at.

You wouldn’t win mother of the year, that’s for sure. You’re not helpful around the house, you’re not the one to go to for boy problems, you don’t help me pick out dresses and clothes, you don’t teach me how to be a proper young lady, you don’t ground me or laugh with me and you’ve never taught me how to cook or clean. But you’re my mother and nobody else could take that title. You don’t know how to be a good mom, I wish you were though. I really wish you’d be the person to wipe my tears away if a boy broke my heart, I wish you’d take me out shopping and criticize me for dressing like a boy. I wish you’d look at me with love and pride in your eyes and show me off to your friends and say “Yeah, that’s my daughter. Isn’t she beautiful? Just like her mother.”

I wish you’d stop smoking mom. You’ve quit drinking but only because the doctor told you how close you are to liver failure. I wish you’d care about your health and care about Oliver's health. You smoke around him all the time and I constantly tell you not to but you don’t listen. Sometimes I feel tired mom, so tired of protecting Oliver from you.

I really wish you’d change Mom, I wish you’d be a good mom to Oliver and me, I wish you would take care of us.

I wish a lot of things Mom, but most of all, I wish you would love me.

Love,

Olivia xoxo

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