If it's wrong to fall in love with my brother's best friend... too late...

I am a coward

A braver girl might have approached them, but me, I am a coward. I simply watched as they continued to kiss, it seemed like a kiss that meant something. He obviously doesn't care what I#m risking for him, probably my life with my brother's anger issues. 

I returned to the dance floor, lets be honest, I'm not much of a flirter, but if I have to, I will. Right now seems like a good time. I pushed my way to the middle of the dancefloor and started grinding against the fittest guy in the club. Fittest, he's alright I suppose. 

"Wanna take this somewhere else?" I asked flirtily as I pushed myself against him. I wasn't wasting no more time. 

He looked a little shocked but didn't say no when we got into the toilets. I pushed him against the cubical wall in a heated frenzy, I kissed him passionately as he hitched me up onto his already exposed manhood. 

Before I knew it, it was over. I simply left him there in the toilet before pushing my way out of the club. I suddenly felt regret. What have I just done?

Slipping into a taxi, I went home. I got up to my bedroom in no time at all. I looked in the mirror and growled at my reflection. So cheap. 

I jumped into a cold shower, how else was I supposed to shower knowing what I know. Too many secrets. 

As soon as I felt cold enough I wrapped a towel around me and returned to my room. I slowly dried and dressed in a pair of shorts and small top before climbing into my cold bed. I wasn't going to sleep though. 

- - - 

"Heaven," I heard a voice as I focused my eyes. "Heaven!" 

My stupid brother's voice. He's not in here though. "Zeke!" I shouted as I opened my door. 

"You coming out for breakfast?!" 

I looked over the rail and saw my brother at the front door. "No. I'm not hungry." Lies, I was starving. 

"Okay," he shrugged and then left. 

I clambered back to my room and into my bed. It was cold again. Great. 

I pulled myself to my feet and glanced in the mirror. 

I have to sort my life out. For good. 

*

*

*

So sorting my life out, not so easy, Tuesday morning and my list was in front of me. 

Quit school

Attend College

Sort out my love life

Dump his sorry ass

Move out

Grow up

I suppose writing a list had meant I'd grown up, not completely, at least I knew where to start. 

I picked up the telephone and made the phone call, I rang the school to tell them I was officially leaving school. I dunno if that's even legal. The headmaster was certainly not happy about this, but what could he do? Not even like I'm full time. 

I can't be dealing with the shit, the threats, the whispers, the stares. 

Now I had to tell Zeke. He wasn't going to be happy. Probably best to tell him once I've sorted college out. 

There was a sudden bang on my bedroom door. 

I jumped to my feet as I opened the door. "Dougie?" 

"You fancy coming out tonight?"

I smiled, gosh how could he make me feel like this after what I saw last night. I still felt those little butterflies. Scary really. 

I nodded, "Sure. Just you and me or is my brother coming along?" Then I blurted it out, "And your girlfriends?" Can't take it back now, it's done. 

He looked shocked "What are you talking about?" His voice was hushed, quiet. 

I smirked, "Don't even think about it boyo. Don't play dumb. I was there, last night. Don't think for one second that we are okay. You..." I tilted my head, "You can go screw yourself. You know all the bullshit. You know everything. Yet this happens."

"What happens?" The dreaded voice we both didn't want to hear, Zeke's.

We both turned and looked at me. Me full of fear. Dougie the same.

I never wanted this to happen. 

"What happens? What's going on?"

I looked at Dougie, he looked at me and widened his eyes. No way was I starting this. 

I need a head start to lock my bedroom door.

"Heavenly, have you two been having sex?"

I laughed, "Don't be stupid." Lies, again. 

"No no, you're lying." Zeke then looked at Dougie, "You have haven't you?"

Dougie just stood  there. 

I bit my lip before stepping back and closing my door, but before I had time to lock it it burst open!