Collection of the Best Jokes Ever

Insults#2

Light travels faster than sound. That's why you appeared bright until I heard you speak.

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

You are so stupid, you'd trip over a cordless phone.

Cancel my subscriptions ... I'm tired of your issues.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Looks like you traded in your neck for an extra chin!

I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.

Learn from your parents' mistakes – use birth control!

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport!

Your head is so big you have to step into your shirts.

Sorry I can't think of an insult stupid enough for you.

You are so old, even your memory is in black and white.

You're so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall!

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

Mirrors don't talk but lucky for you they don't laugh

You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about.

You're so ugly, the only dates you get are on a calendar.

I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.

You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?

You're so ugly, you had tinted windows on your incubator.

You get as much action as a nine button on a microwave.

You're so ugly you have to trick or treat over the phone.

If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first.

You must think you're strong, but you only smell strong.

You know the drill! You leave a message....and I ignore it!

We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

If your brain exploded, it wouldn't even mess up your hair.

What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?

If a crackhead saw you, he'd think he needs to go on a diet.

So you've changed your mind, does this one work any better?

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

Looks aren't everything; in your case, they aren't anything.

If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.

You have a very sympathetic face. It has everyone's sympathy.

If your brain was made of chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.

You're so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice.

You don't just have bags under your eyes, you have luggage.

Don't feel sad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too.

You shouldn't play hide and seek, no one would look for you.

Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

Your face is so ugly, when you cry the tears run UP your face.

I heard you went to a haunted house and they offered you a job.

Why don't you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale.

You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it didn't come back.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.

I need you...........I want you............To get out of my face

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

Hey, Remember that time I told you I thought you were cool? I LIED.

Forget the ugly stick! You must have been born in the ugly forest!

I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.

You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you show any.

I'll never forget the first time we met, although I'll keep trying.

Don't piss me off today, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn't be you.

The clothes you wear are so ugly even a scarecrow wouldn't wear them.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.

There are more calories in your stomach than in the local supermarket!

At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn't hit me in the face.

Don't let your mind wander. It's way to small to be outside by itself!

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream "taxi".

If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.

I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.

If I had a dollar for every brain you didn't have, I'd have one dollar.

What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back?

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.

Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.