Deception

Chapter 5: Ultimatums Heartbreaks and Sex?

About a month after everything transpired I woke up feeling sick. My mom was cooking another one of her garbage bag specials. The smell of it just made me sick. I ran to the bathroom and puked what seemed like my guts out. What the fuck was going on why did i just throw up im not sick. Then i thought back to Lamar. He did not use a condom when he raped me and im pretty sure he ejaculated into me. If i turn out to pregnant i wont know what to do. Things were going good between Jeremiah and i. We still havnt had sex yet. I immediately threw on some shoes and ran to the little pink corner store by my house. The lady that worked at the store knew my mom. So this was going to be difficult to pull off. If i am pregnant its definately against my will. I put on my hood so maybe the woman wouldnt notice me. When i put the pregnancy test on the counter the woman looked at me crazy. "Mind your fuckin business!" I snapped at her. She scoffed and took my money. I cant stand nosey bitches. She doesnt know shit about me! I ran home and went straight into the bathroom. I read the instructions on the Clear Blue pregnancy test. It said if I was pregnant it would Simply say "Pregnant" if i wasnt it would say "Not pregnant". Easy enough i thought to myself. I was so nervous my heart was beating so hard and fast. As I urinated on the stick i prayed i was not pregnant because not only did Lamar take my innocence and completely ruin my life but he left proof of it. After i was done i placed the little blue cap over the part i peed on and sat the test on the counter. This was the longest minute of my life. I finally picked up the test. Right there on the test in bold letters read PREGNANT. I immediately broke down and cried. I had no idea what i was going to do. Should i abort it? Its not the baby's fault on how it was conceived. If i kept the baby would i end up hating it because of who its father was? I collected myself and walked out of the bathroom. I called Jeremiah.
"Babe I have to tell you something." I said nervously.
"Well what is it?" He asked in an impatient manner.
"Lamar got me pregnant." I choked out. There was a deathly silence on Jeremiah's end.
"Well lets make an appointment and kill the little bastard." He said sounding very cold.
"I dont think i want to kill it its not the baby's fault." I argued.
"Larissa if you keep that baby im not fucking with you i refuse to raise that niggas child." I was shocked by his response and rather disgusted.
"Fuck you Jeremiah!" I spat and hung up the phone. I decided to wait to tell my mom until i decided what I wanted to do. I needed some time to wrap my head around the idea. A few weeks had passed. My appetite picked up. I had a bunch of weird cravings. It wasnt long until my mom picked up on it. As i sat on the couch eating a bowl of vanilla ice cream with a pickle my mom ran to me.
"Oh my fuckin Lord Larissa you are pregnant! You little skank you been letting that little boyfriend of yours fuck you raw?"
"MOM ITS LAMARS BABY!" I screamed.
"Oh hell no you are getting rid if that little motherfucker!" She yelled at me.
"No mom i want to keep it!" I cried.
"Fuck that whos going to take care of it? Not me. If you have that baby im throwing you out on your ass! She said.
"Fine ill go stay with dad then." She laughed hysterically.
"You think your dad is going to tolerate your little rape child?" I couldnt believe the words coming out of her stupid ass mouth. I called my dad and told him everything my mom said.
"Im going to have to agree with your mom for once." My dad responded.
"So what are you saying dad?"
"Larissa you cant live with me with that thing i dont understand why you want to keep it."
"Dad its not the baby's fault aborting it would be wrong."
"Whatever Larissa abort that fucking thing or be homeless!" I hung up the phone.
"YOU WIN!" I yelled to my mother. My mom got on the computer an
began to look up abortion clinics. She called a clinic and scheduled an appointment for me the very next day. I was so hurt that my parents were behaving so irrationally. The fact of the matter is i could not support a child alone. The fact that my parents were not willing to help out and flat out told me that i would be homeless was taking a major toll on me. I no longer cared about anything or anyone. Fuck everybody!As my mom and i approached the very dark looking abortion clinic. I instantly got scared. There were lots of picketers outside the clinic. Screaming out their opinions. I ageed so much with them. I was young and it seemed like i had no say so over what happens with my body. I clenched my stomach.
"Dont pay attention to those crazy ass people." My mom said. When I walked into the clinic there was a white girl who looked like she was on drugs sitting with a man who im guessing is her boyfriend. I also saw a girl who was by herself. That had to be hard. Whoever got her pregnant didnt give a shit about her. I checked in and took a seat. My mom like the bitch she is left and told me to call her when it was over. I couldnt stand her. The least she could do was stay with me since she was making me get this abortion. The black girl who was sitting there alone looked at me.
"First abortion?" She asked.
"Uh yeah it is. How about you?"
"Its my third i already got a kid i dont need another." I thought to myself damn this girl has been busy.
"My name is Lashay but people just call me shay." She informed me.
"My name is Larissa and i dont want to be here nice to meet you." She giggled and told me nobody wanted to be there so join the club.
"So whats your story?" She asked me.
"Well i was raped and the bastard left me a little present i want to keep it but my parents threatened to kick me out so i have no choice how about you?" I told her.
"Damn girl that sucks. Like i said i already got a kid i dont need no more its hard enough and my baby daddy aint shit." Interupting our conversation a weird tall white man walked out and called Lashay's name.
"Ill be right back girl this shit dont take long." She said as she disappeared into the back. That girl must be made of steal because her getting an abortion doesnt even phase her. Well shit the girl has already had 2. I started rubbing my stomach. My poor baby. I thought to myself. I guess this is for the best. What chance did my baby have with a homeless mother. No chance at all so i just accepted it. About 20 minutes later Lashay came stumbling out she looked high as a kite.
"Are you okay?" I asked concerned.
"Yeah. They drug you up so you dont feel that shit." She told me. Next they called the white girl that looked like she was on drugs. I noticed Lashay on the phone yelling at someone. I knew it had to be the dude that knocked her up. When she got off the phone she had a distressed look on her face.
"Niggas aint shit!" She snapped.
"Tell me about it white men aint either." I said referring to my dad. I dont know why but i liked this girl. What i needed more than anything was a friend. She looked out the window.
"My ride is here girl but keep in touch let me see your cell phone." She said. I handed my phone to her and she locked her number into it. As she exited the building that same feeling of dread i felt in Lamar's driveway came over me again. When the white girl came into the lobby with that same high look i knew it was my turn. "Larissa Watters." The Tall scrawny white man said. My heart was racing as i walked to the back of the clinic. It looked more cozy in the back there were couches and reclining chairs. He escorted me to a room. He handed me a gown.
"Put this on and take your bottoms off." He said as he walked out the room. I looked around the room at all the rediculous ass posters on the wall. They all said something along the lines of "Abortion is not murder". The shit was annoying these motherfuckers didnt know what they were talking about. Abortion was murder and i was pulling the trigger. I changed into the ugly ass gown. I wondered how this was going to take place. I heard a knock on the door i told the doctor he could come in. He took an ultra sound and asked if i wanted a copy. I thought about it and told him i didnt want it. I just wanted to forget all about this whole situation.
"Alright lets get started." He stated. He put a mask over my face and told me to count down from 10. I believe once i got to seven i was out. When i awoke i felt dizzy. I had some cramps that felt like menstrual cramps times 10.
"Alright Ms. Watters you are all done no sex for 2 weeks. If you start your period use pads not tampons." I nodded because i was too woozy to say anything. He wrote me a prescription for pain killers for my monsterous cramps. This experience i just went through was almost as bad as Lamar raping me. After all this shit thats happened to me i wanted to have fun and live my life. Im tired of being that good pretty girl everybody knew me by. I called my mom and told her i was done. She told me she was on her way. As i sat there and waited for my mom i remembered that Lashay gave me her number. I took my phone out and texted her.
"Hey girl its Larissa from the clinic save my number." She texted me back quite promptly.
"Ok i gotcha." She said. When my mom pulled up i couldnt help but be disgusted by the site of her face.
"How'd it go hun?" My mom sounded cheerful. I looked at her and i didnt say anything to her.
"The first time is always the hardest you will thank me one day." Im thinking to myself the first time is the hardest? How many abortions did this tramp have in her lifetime? I swear i didnt know what to think at that point. When i got back home i felt extremely shitty so i called the one person i knew loved me even though he acted like an asshole about my current situation so i called Jeremiah. Before i could even say hello he took the floor.
"Look baby im sorry if you want to keep that baby i will support you." I began to cry.
"The baby is gone." I told him.
"Aw shit Larissa you didnt do that because of me did you?"
"Of course not my parents made me. I guess it was for the best." I stated.
"Well shit ill be over there to get you shortly you want some ice cream?" He asked.
"I dont feel like going anywhere but i do want ice cream." I told him."
"Well ill bring you some ice cream baby doll. What kind you want?"
"Tillamook caramel butter pecan." I said excitedly.
"Okay i gotchu babe. Ill be at your spot in about 30 minutes." I said okay and ended the conversation. I was excited to see Jeremiah. He always made me feel better about every situation. I hope that everything would start to fall into place. When Jeremiah got there i jumped into his arms. He gave me a big kiss. I looked down at his hands and noticed they were empty.
"Nigga where is my ice cream?" I asked.
"Sorry i couldnt find that shit babe." He said.
"Well i forgive u this time punk." I told him. We were in my room watching a special on the discovery channel. This was the first time I ever even layed in the bed with him or a boy period. We started making out. He slipped his hand up my shirt. I removed it. I actually was ready to go all the way with him but since i just had this abortion i couldnt.
"Is everything okay babe?" He asked.
"Yes but i cant have sex now because i just had this abortion." He huffed and puffed.
"Shit girl how long you gone keep a nigga waiting?" He asked with irritation in his voice.
"Well what do you want me to do? I really cant have sex." I told him. He smiled and informed me that there were other ways to have sex that didnt involve my vagina. I looked at him crazy.
"You can either use your hand or your mouth." He said. I thought about that for a second. I dont know how to give head i did not want to embarass myself. I remember giving him a few hand jobs when we were together the first time.
"Okay babe ill use my hand." I said to him.
"Ha i knew you was gone say that so lets try something different i know you dont know how to give head as long as you dont bite my dick you will be good." He assured me. I was scared out of my mind but i wanted to try it. It was time for me to start living life. "Okay." I agreed. When he pulled his erect dick out my palms started sweating. I was nervous but this is it! I thought of my favorite pop sicle. A Big Stick and pretended his dick was a big stick. It literally was a big stick. As i was bobbing my head up and down on it i was hoping i didnt choke because i could barely breathe. It was an amazing experience. I liked the feeling of being wanted. I could tell that Jeremiah most definately wanted me. After about 10 minutes Jeremiah pushed my head off of his "head" and ran to my bathroom. Im guessing because he didnt want to cum in my mouth. Im cool with that. When he came back in he had this shocked look on his face.
"You sure you never did that before baby girl?" He asked me. I laughed and told him that was definitely a first. Over the next couple of weeks I became more aquainted with Lashay. She was a crazy ass individual. She was 20 years old with a 2 year old son. I admired her. Everything she had she obtained by herself. She didnt need anybody's help. We had hung out a couple of times. She was a pretty bad influence on me. I was drinking and smoking weed on the regular. I didnt care i was finally living life and i was happy! One day i was sitting at home when Jeremiah called me wanting to come over i told him he could. My mom was gone so i was certain we were finally going to have sex. When he got there i could tell he was high. We were watching The Preacher's Kid when Jeremiah cut my T.V off. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"Its time Larissa its been well over two weeks." He said.
"Well be gentle with me and do you have protection?" I asked.
"Of course girl." He pulled out a condom with a shiny gold wrapper. I was excited and at the same time nervous. He took my shirt off and played with my breast with his tongue. A tingly feeling started to flow all over my body. Before i knew it we were both completely naked.
"I guess this is it." I said.
"Shhhh." He said as he slid his fingers through my hair. I suddenly felt him trying to slide his rock hard dick in. The feeling was painful but not as painful as when Lamar just shoved it in. I know I had a look of constipation on my face.
"You alright babe?" Jeremiah asked me between pumps.
"Yes just keep going." I said. I was in pain i wanted to finish. About 15 minutes into the feeling went from pain to pleasure. When i started to get into it he was done. I didnt say anything but. I wanted more. For the next couple of months all Jeremiah and i did when we saw eachother was have sex. We were like jack rabbits in heat. It seemed so routine. There had to be something better.