How Okay is Okay?

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4:36 am

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Asked Jessie's stern voice from somewhere behind me.

Shit.
"You're awake," I said flatly. She walked closer to me. "Yeah. Now where the hell are you going?" I finished putting all of my supplies in my bag. Over the last week I had again stolen enough money for tonight. "Out," I replied slinging the bag across my shoulder and making my way towards the door. Before I reached it I felt her grip on my arm and I turned back to meet her gaze.

"You're going after him aren't you?" She asked. I nodded. "I have to, Jess. I owe it to him and it's been months." She let go and crossed her arms, "He told you not to go back. If they're as dangerous as you say they are then maybe you should listen." I chuckled dryly, "When do I ever?"
"What if he doesn't even remember you? You said it yourself, they wipe your memories so who knows what will happen when you see him. Please just stay."

I sighed and forced myself to admit something that was rather hard and selfish of me.
"I'm not just doing this for him. Jessie, he knew me. He knew my name, he knew me enough to care and try to get me out. He knew me enough to love me." Her eyes widened, "Woah, hold up. He loves you? When did this happen?" I let my bag drop on the floor with frustration, "I don't know." I sighed, "That was another thing he said to me before he left me in the woods. He loved me. And I can't even remember a damn thing about him!" Jess motioned for me to be quiet by pointing at Hanna's room. I nodded and continued, "I don't remember a lot of things. Can't seem to remember anything other than a few snippets every now and then but I can't tell if they're even real or not."

Jessie moved closer, "You remembered Howard last week. So you can't be doing that bad." "That only confused me more. There isn't a lot of information on me. Finding the Winter Soldier could prove beneficial to me and him. Not to mention, clear some part of my conscious." Jess blew a stray hair out of her face,"How do you know he's even alive? Wouldn't they do something to him because he let you out?" "No," I shook my head, "he's too valuable to hydra. Now that he's the only super soldier they've got I doubt they'd do anything that would kill him."

She shook her head at me again. Something that I've been getting a lot from her recently. I don't doubt I deserve it with all I've put her through. "You're gonna leave no matter what I tell you, aren't you?" I smiled sadly, "I have to." She quickly moved to me and embraced me in a hug that I held on to, "You gonna come back? Hanna's gonna flip when she finds out you've left." "I don't know," I replied. I held on to the hug for a couple more second before letting go and grabbing my bag from the floor.

"Go get 'em, tiger," she said. I gave one last look at the apartment hoping that it wouldn't be my last time here.


*Winter Soldier's P.O.V*

Two Days Later

I heard the set of alarms blare out waking me from my sleep. Getting up from my bed, I pace around my room, or really my plain cell, and wait to be called for as a reinforcement. For some odd reason, I'm not allowed out unless specifically called for. Some part of me swears to remember that it always wasn't like this, but I don't stop to dwell on it too long before I see that door of my cell open and a woman tumble inside frantically.
She stares at me with what seems to be relief and disbelief mixed together, "Oh my god. You're okay."

And suddenly I remember. . .

*~~Flashback~~*

"Ready to comply," I recited as I've done countless times before. I'm still strapped to the metal chair and I can't help but feel oddly more exhausted than I ever have before. My head throbs and although it hurts, I force my vision to focus on the man in front of me.

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