Macaronic

Chapter Four

     I lay in bed, curled into my pillows. I stayed up half the night just crying because of these nightmares that came to life. But I somehow needed to face reality with a strong heart. If I kept letting this get to me then it'd only become worse. I dried my eyes with my hands and got up, walking into the bathroom while trying to avoid stepping on any broken glass or wood. My anger issues obviously needed to be controlled as well. Damn, there's so much wrong with me.

     I made it into the bathroom, staring at myself. That dumbass reflection again. I hate it. Its everywhere. I wouldnt mind going the rest of my life without looking at myself ever again. I leaned forward and looked into my own eyes, examining the colour change and how red the whites of my eyes had become. I let out a sigh, standing there for a moment. I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore. But I needed to do something.

     After a while of thinking, I decided it'd be best to occupy my mind. Working again would do just that. I'd be too busy to worry about all the drama with Ross, I'd forget about it in no time. With that decision, I hopped into the shower to get ready for my comeback. It was going to be great.

     As I stood there, letting the water run down my back and shoulders, I let the last tears of this mess, fall from his eyes. I wasnt going to get upset about this anymore. I wasn't going to let it bother me anymore. I realized that I messed up too much already and had no intention of hurting Ross further.

     Within the hour, I was at my old station editing, keeping myself busy. I didn't even realize Ross had come in until hours after he had done so.

"Wanna go get sushi?" Adam asked, tapping on my shoulder to get my attention.

"Yeah sure, who's going?" I said and removed my headphones.

"Me, Tim, Barney, Red and Ross, so far," He said to me.

"Ross? What?"

"Yeah, he came in a couple hours ago," Adam said, pointing over to Ross' office.

     I leaned in my chair and glanced over at the door, an odd feeling running through me. I was nervous but I was also happy that I'd be able to see Ross. I promised myself to try to be casual around Ross, not wanting the office atmosphere to be ruined.

     Ross walked out, locking his office door behind him.

"Ready to go?" Ross asked

"Let's go then," Adam said, and we all made our way to the parking lot.

     On the way down, Adam started vlogging, he figured it would ease tension. With a camera rolling, all of the issues would have to disappear. We couldn't draw attention to the situation just yet.

     I tried to keep talking, not wanting any awkward silence. But Ross hardly said anything.

     We arrived to our favourite local sushi shop and went in. We sat for a while and just goofed around after we finished our food. Sometimes it was nice to just sit and chat with your buds. I decided to take this time to attempt to talk to Ross, casually of course.

"Do you wanna record any videos? Or are you taking a break for a bit?" I started with.

"I might, just a few though. Not as much as before. I want to start up another series so I wanna be able to have time to build and plan that," Ross explained.

"I could help with that if you need me to," I offered. I figured if I help Ross with all of this, we'd have more time to fix this mess.

"Yeah, thanks. That'd be cool," Ross said with a beaming smile.

     We eventually left the food court and headed back to the office. Ross and I immediately started on this new series. It was suspicious, this series. It didn't incorporate any of the other guys. Just me, himself and his cousin Shelby.

"Ross, why isn't like Adam or Red in this? They'd be perfect for this role," I said.

     Ross let out a heavy sigh as I had pointed this out.

"Well, I'm only telling you this because I trust you and you deserve to know... but I've decided to leave the offices. " Ross said.

"What? Leave?! You can't leave!" I exclaimed. My heart sank to the floor.

"Shh!" Ross said, glancing at Barney as he passed by the conference room. "It's what's best for me. Adam has given me such an amazing opportunity but I need to branch out and do my own thing." Ross said.

     My heart shattered. Ross was leaving? Was he moving out too? Was it my fault? Would I ever see him again? Millions of questions flooded my mind as I sat there, fiddling with the pencil in my hand.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, assuming the fault was my own. How could it not be, really?

"Don't be, it's not you. I just wanna do my own thing." Ross assured.

"Excuse me," I said, getting up out of the chair. I walked down the hall and locked myself in the bathroom, a constellation of tears formed on my lashes. I knew this was my fault, no matter what Ross said.

When would the pain end?

**Chapter Art by -maxismac-**