Secrets And Lies

Chapter 21: The Kiss

Ryan

     When Axel lips touched mine, my eyes nearly bulged out of my head before they fluttered closed. My lips moved in sync with his.

Why were they doing that?

The feeling of his lips on mine burned through my whole body. What am I doing? My brain knew this needed to stop, but my body wouldn't cooperate.

He nibbled my bottom lip asking for entrance, and my traitorous mouth obliged, letting his tongue sweep over mine. I felt his hands gripping my waist, pulling me closer until I was flush against him. My mind clouded, and it started to agree with my body. My blood that pumped  hot, boiling. My knees trembled, wanting to give out.

Coming to his senses, Axel pulled away, leaving us both fighting for breath.

I didn't know if I was glad he stopped or disappointed. My lips instantly felt cold, a sharp contrast to the heat that had just seared through them.

     "W- what was that?" I stuttered, touching my lips.

Why wasn't I panicking? I don't understand anything anymore!

     "I think it's called a kiss." He smirked.

How could he be so calm? I felt as though I was going to explode, but it wasn't from panic.

     "I know what a kiss is! Why did you do it?" I was getting angry; angry that I liked it.

Shit, I really liked it. Or maybe it was his calm smugness, while I was a trembling mess. Yeah, I was going to stick with that.

     "I don't know Ry.. guess I always wanted to. And you looked so cute I just.."

     "Axel, we've talked about this, I'm not going to jump into bed with you. " I said trying to calm my aching body.

Why did I ache so bad? I've kissed guys before everything happened and it never felt like this. I was so fucking confused. I was not expecting this to happen.

     "Don't you think I know that?... Jesus, Ryan! I don't want to get into bed anymore." He fisted his hands into his hair in frustration and paced the kitchen.

For some reason, his words seemed sincere, but I could not, would not accept it. I wasn't ready for this, with him or anyone else! And I wouldn't let him play me for a fool.

     "Right, Mathews... " I scoffed.

      He abruptly stopped pacing and crossed to stand in front of me. He placed his hands on either side of my face. And for some reason, I did nothing to stop him. His hands felt soothing on my flushed cheeks.

     "Okay, so I would want to get you into bed at some point.." He admitted, making my stomach flip. " But not until you want that. I like you Ryan and I've never liked anyone before...not like this. I don't want you just for sex. I want to be with you. Only you." He dropped his hands and I immediately wished he didn't.

     What is wrong with me?

     "Axel, I don't know if I believe that you really want a relationship, or if you can commit to someone. I don't know if I want to be in that kind of relationship with you, even if by some miracle you can." I braced myself against the counter, afraid that my jello-like legs would fail me.

     "I get that. If I were you, I wouldn't trust me either. But I want to try. Will I make mistakes? Probably. But I don't want to get with other girls. I won't do that." He tilted my chin, making my eyes lock with his. They were so blue; I could drown in them. "What can I do to earn your trust in that? Name it and I'll do it."