Secrets And Lies

Chapter 40: Bliss.

Ryan

I woke up the next morning wrapped in Axe's limbs. His arms holding me to him tightly, my legs clamped down between his. I don't know what made him hold onto me this way. Sure, he always held me at night, and sometimes tightly, but right now, this was different.

My arms and legs were asleep, but I somehow turned to face him. His brows were furrowed, and he was breathing hard. I yanked an arm out from under his and shook it back to life. With my thumb, I rubbed this crease between his brows. If he was having a bad dream, I wanted to wake him gently.

"Axel?" I whispered and kissed his chin.

His eyes fluttered open. He lifted his head slightly to take in his surroundings, then looked down at me. Sighing with relief, he pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Sorry, I disturbed your sleep, you were squeezing the life out of me" I smiled.

He didn't find it humorous.

"Don't say that..." Sitting up, he scrubbed his hands over his face.

I followed suit. Whatever he was dreaming about had put him in a foul mood. I kissed his shoulder.

"What's going on?" I asked.

He didn't speak, just shook his head and cocked it in my direction. He turned to me and ran his hand through my hair.

"It doesn't matter. You're here with me, and that's what counts."

I opened my mouth to speak but he covered my lips with his. He was trying to distract me from the issue.  To his annoyance, I pulled away. I needed him to talk to me. He is always there for me, I want the same opportunity.

"Axel, talk to me. What's wrong?" I Implored, searching his face.

His eyes flickered with impatience.

"Just let it go, Ry.."  He let out a frustrated sigh and flopped back down on the bed.

Now I know how he felt every time I had one of my nightmares and didn't confide in him. 

"Okay..." I whispered.

I'm not going to lie, it hurt that he wouldn't tell me. But I wasn't going to push him. That would be hypocritical. Right? Fuck it! So I'm a hypocrite.

"Mathews, you know about my nightmares. You know everything about me. And you were there for me, before and after I let you in. I wish you would tell me, and allow me to do the same for you..."

Axel let out a frustrated growl that was followed by silence. He raked his hands through his hair.

"This is different. "

"How so?"

"I'm the one who's supposed to protect you.." He pulled me down beside him and held me against his chest.

"What the fuck, Asshat? You're always there for me. You wanting to protect me doesn't mean that I can't be here for you as well. This isn't some stupid fairy tale, where I sit back and not do a thing for the man in my life and let him always rescue me. Don't get me wrong, you save me every day,  just by being you, just by loving me. But I can do the same...as cool as it would be, life is not a Disney movie!"  

His face was blank, slowly a smirk graced his lips.

"Are you done?" He chuckled. 

I didn't realize how winded my speech had made me, after which I felt kind of guilty for not giving him the same time and understanding that he gave me.

"Yeah, sorry. Look, I'm being selfish you don't..."

"Ry, you said you were done. Stop."

He rolled on his side to face me. Tucking a hair behind my ear, he kissed my temple.