Secrets And Lies

Chapter 34: Decisions and Grandparents

Axel

My stomach had flipped at her words. I stared in her gray eyes. Unsure if I was hearing her right, I looked for any sign that she didn't mean what she was saying. But there wasn't doubt in them, only conviction.  Maybe I was dreaming, maybe while she was changing I had fallen asleep. When I asked her if this was the case, she bit her lip and shook her head, giving a slight smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I want to do more with you.." she nodded. "I trust you. For the first time, I trust someone to take this step with. To share this experience with.

"What kind of 'stuff' did you have in mind?"

Okay, calm down Axel. I was already stirring at the prospect. I needed to put a little more space between us until she explained. I sat up beside her. She bit her lip and looked at me nervously.

"I don't know, everything but...help me out here Fuck face, you're the expert."

"Not when it comes to you."

I put my hand on her cheek and caressed her smooth skin with my thumb.

"I don't know what to do when it comes to you. I don't know what's too much and whats not. I don't want to do something wrong, or that you're not ready for. So you're going to have to tell me exactly what you want." I continued.

Talking about this was out of her comfort zone, but she needed to tell me. I don't want to make a mistake.

"Don't be embarrassed. Just tell me. Okay?"

She blew out a breath. "Mouth and hands only." She looked down at her hands that were folded in her lap.

This subject wasn't something that she talked about, so I get why she was nervous and shy about it. I don't think I have ever seen her so shy. It was unbelievably cute. I lifted her chin so we could make eye contact.

"You mean oral and foreplay?" I smirked at her innocence.

Despite my calm outer exterior, inside I was anything but. I was just as nervous, maybe more than her. I didn't want Ryan to regret anything. She nodded her head shyly.

"And your totally sure?"

"Yeah...I am sure. I love you and I want this  with you."

I  held her hands in mine, bringing them to my lips and pressing a lingering kiss on each one.

"I love you too, but if you are just doing this because you think I want to, then I can't let you go through with it.  I don't want you to do something that you don't completely want."

I should shut up. What man in his right mind would talk this to death.

"Stop, Axel."  She sat up. "I do want this. Right now, I can't think of anything else I want more." Ryan brought her hand to my cheek and traced the outline of my lips with her thumb.

"Okay." I conceded." Kissing the pad of her thumb. "But if you change your mind or if I do something you don't like..."

"I'll let you know." She smiled lovingly at me.

I got to my knees, knelt in front of her and released her hair from the band. It fell in a long auburn wave down her back. I ran my hand through it. Her grey eyes burned into mine. Did she know how beautiful she was? I gripped her hair in my hand, the other pressed into her lower back. I gently tugged her up towards me so she knelt as well. Dipping my head down, I lightly brushed her lips with mine then trailed my lips down across one collar bone , then the other. I pulled back gauging her reaction. Before I could move in again she threw her arms around my neck and knocked me on my back. Her lips were hard against mine. I could barely keep up. I'd let her set the pace.