Infatuated (girlxgirl)

Captivated

Disclaimer: This book will include self harm, suicide and mentions of eating disorders. If any of this triggers you, please do not read. Just be aware if you continue reading.

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I'm not one to say I was easily fixated on somebody I know. Of course fictional characters and famous people don't count in this case but there's this one person who, whenever I see, I can't help but want to know more.

It's not as if she's a complete stranger by the way, just clearing that up. She does know me and I do know her, but I wouldn't go as far as saying we were friends. We're just...Fellow associates?

This girl, she's in my English class, production class, maths class and art class so I often see her but the bad news, my best friend absolutely hates her. Literally can not stand her. They have history and I'd say it didn't end on good terms to say the least.

Right now it's production, and I'm sat with myself, since Kira decided against coming in today. Again. I knew she wouldn't, she hardly ever does anymore but it's not her fault, I know that. Its the same situation with Phebs too, I mean we still frequently all talk in the same group chat but I haven't seen them in ages and I know Harper misses them both too along with Lucia.

I'm sat at the back, with my back facing the board so I can sleep without getting noticed.

I lean my head and cross my arms that were rested on the table and go to close my eyes when two chairs scrape across the floor parallel to me. In an attempt not to be rude, I look up to quickly greet them and then go back to my amazing sleep but when my eyes see who it is I'm captivated.

It's Jo.

Jo is the girl I was on about. The one Harper hates with a passion for unknown reasons. How can anybody hate her? She's beautiful. She's polite. She's sweet. She's amazing. It's inhumane to think bad of her.

Her ocean blue eyes hold into mine, and a smile is at her lips. "Sleeping again?" She asks, going to sit down and she places her bag underneath the table. I've spoken to her before, many of times, yet every time she talks to me I can't help but feel exclusive.

I try to hide my pressing smile but fail, and hold a finger to my lips as if to silence her. "Shh, she doesn't know that..." I whisper. "You little weirdo," she laughs.

I couldn't quite figure out if she was expecting me to say anything after, call her a name maybe, jokingly obviously. Before I could I noticed Laura was sitting herself down next to her right, putting her phone into her pocket.

Laura's nice, there's nothing wrong with her really. She can be loud at times but we all are in this class, Miss doesn't really give a f*ck. I know I shouldn't admit this, but the girl does make me jealous, she hangs with Jo every hour of production and I honestly just wish I was her.

Or I could have that.

I move back down to rest my head low and begin to try to sleep again. I didn't want it to seem like I was trying to hard to socialise with her, I didn't want to seem too forward that I could possibly be crushing on her. After all, she knows I'm gay.

I wish she was too, but she has a boyfriend and shows no interest in girls the same way I do nor has she came out saying she could potentially be gay, which kills me inside.

There's two rules of being a lesbian I'd like to go by but I already broke both. One-Don't fall in love with your best friend, and two-Don't fall in love with a straight girl.

The first was broken last year, when my best friend, Lu was still at school. I had an enormous crush on her and she did find out but was totally okay with it which was really sweet. She doesn't come to school anymore, it's the same as Kira.