Infatuated (girlxgirl)

Decisions

*when your girlfriend is napping so you decide to update one of the only stories she reads in an attempt to be cute and make her smile when she wakes. I love you beautiful.*

Although the fact I've been nervous since Jo pulled me in for our second and can I say, much better, kiss I've gotten over how Jo wouldn't "leave" me because I had cut but I still didn't want her to find out and get upset about it. It was my right to tell her, obviously, I'm just waiting for the right time to come where we both aren't too happy because I don't want to ruin the mood or when she is down.

After we kissed we departed, and I wait a maximum of about five minutes before she texts me telling me she's home. I'm currently lying in the conservatory home alone. The key had been left in the Welly boot and I let myself in. This confused me because if they were put what was the point of me coming home early?

I try not to damper my mood on why sometimes my parents strict rules make no sense yet if I break them I'm better off dying. Well, I'm better off that way anyway but at least I have a more important drive now than before. We chat for a while, Jo and I about endless stupid things, as always and I lay there smiling to myself wishing she could see me and how happy she makes me.

I contemplate telling her I like her even if this ruins what we presently have. I don't know exactly how she sees me, a friend? Potential girlfriend? Friend with benefits? As temper as the last would be if that's how I was seen as I'd rather not continue what we are. If she wants to be friends I'll happily yet sadly be her friend but the kissing will stop because that's leading me on.

If she sees me as a girlfriend and she has a crush or feelings for me I'll flat out ask her out right here and right now. I bring the topic up, of "what exactly are we?" And try and play it off all cool which isn't the thing I'm good at to be fair.

She asks why and I take this as my moment to admit how I do really feel. I wish I could do it in person, see her face as I tell her I've had extremely strong feeing for her for the past sic months or so, get the real reaction instead of emojis but I know its now or never and I wouldn't ever have the balls to anyway. I tell her, or rather I text her, explaining how long I've liked her for and that I still do and she's not just a stupid girl crush.

It takes her a few minutes after she reads this to reply, making me more nervous than I already was, and trust me that's a lot. She replies with "awe" and two heart emojis. My heart sinks not quite sure what this means. Is that a friend zone, does she know what to say, does she feel awkward about this? Questions dance about in my brain, running in and out of my ears. As I go to type back, before my thumbs even reach the phone screen the three dots in the bubble appear underneath, signalising she was typing again.

This was it, this is where she pies me off or wants me to stay. At her reply I feel my heart plummet in my chest as if its just left my body and is dancing all about me. I feels weightless and know this is her cause and her words make the most purest smile
on my face. "I have been crushing on you since when we first started talking but I never knew you felt the same way?xx" I almost roll my eyes as the flicker left to right as I read each word, three times. How could she not know? I made it so so obvious? Its practically impossible to miss out, even her 'best friend' guessed it!

I breathe another shaky breath, excitement filling me. I wanted to be with this girl, I really did but then a thought co!es to me and I stop dead in my tracks midtype. Did I really want a relationship? I'm not sure. I wanted her, I wanted to treat her like a princess, spoil her, kiss her, cuddle her. Show her off so everybody knows she mine buy there's just so many complications I couldn't fit them all around my mind.

What about her parents? What were they going to say? What were mine going to say? What about everybody at school? I mean I know Harper thinks she's faking and she is only trying it for boy attention but what if everybody agrees with her? What if people just think we are faking it like Amy and Karma (poor Amy)? I don't people thinking she's lying. She wouldn't have must admitted that to me, knowing I have major feelings for her to hurt my feelings would she?

I type back, "hehe, well I do so xx" as an attempt to continue put conversation about it but unable to even sound interested. I was, I really think I love her I just don't want people thinking bad about her, honestly. She's my world and more.

She reads it instantly, again, as she has for the entire conversation since we both got home and starts typing straight away. I was not prepared for anything she had admitted today and I certainly was not prepared for the message she sent next. "Do you want to go out with me?" She sends a ring emoji after the question mark as if it's to forever have us together, til death do us part. I freak out, outside and inside, smiling broadly and happily to myself even when I tried to stop from looking like a goon.

I never expected things to go this way, I always imagined me asking her out not visa versa but here we are, and she's asked me. Meanwhile, I've been ignoring Harpers oncoming spam about her boyfriend Ryan. I knew she'd get annoyed if I didn't tell her and if I did say yes but I do deserve to be happy with the only girl I want and have wanted for like, forever so I say "yes!x" to Jo and quickly click on the rectangular white box with Harpers name and completely ignoring everything I write, "I'm dating Jo."

The next few minutes become awful, not just for me but for Jo too. I switch between reply to the angry spam of "what am I doing?" And "Are you blind?" From Harper, and f*cking adorable messages from MY girlfriend saying how she is buzzing and is so happy and was nervous I would say no which I obviously would never, or so I think. I explain the situation that Harper is going batsh*t crazy at me and is making me chose between her and Jo herself and Jo being Jo, she says to me that if its easier for me we can always wait.

Never in my life had I been so torn. I wanted this girl, and I've been looking out for her and tried to give my all to her and make her happy and I DESERVE to be happy and deserve somebody as sweet as she is but no. I'm forced to chose between my best friend, who has been so for a long time and a girl, that maybe it won't work out with. Though, I disagree, if I treat her right and well and keep her happy I have no doubt I'll see her walking down the aisle in years to come and waking up to her gorgeous face.

Is is the right thing to do, for now to keep the peace. I tell Jo I'm so so sorry, that we need to wait and none of this affects the fact I like her and she understands. She days she's wait forever for me and it gives her something to look forward too yet I know this has hurt her. It looks like I've chosen Harper, but I've just chosen patience. I've chosen peace, because I know Jo and I will be someday. Someday soon and I just hope to god she stands buy what she says about waiting. I tell Harper my decision, and she acts all happy and dandy weigh me again until I just say I have to go since she is the last person I want to speak to right noe.

Me and Jo continue to talk, every second of every hour until she's sleepy and accidentally falls asleep with her phone still on our chat.

I regret my choice, but I know that this time I'm going to make it special when I ask her to be mine. She's my all. I fall asleep with her, or more like us on my mind and know I'm smiling as I'm ceased by sleep.