Infatuated (girlxgirl)

Piggy-back travels

On average, I'm a f*ck up almost 90% of the time. I'm selfish, I'm a coward and I'm utterly lost on how to control my emotions. If I were honest I didn't think I'd ever find a reason for myself to stay clean and for that reason to be a girl I hardly spoke too until last week genuinely makes me more in love with the thought of her.

Here this girl is this, blissfully and totally unaware she's stopping me from hurting myself. In a way, I'm staying clean to prove to her that she can open up to me. I know how she's handling things and it isn't too well nor in the best way neither.

This was the deal with Jess I made. I'm not stupid, I know when something is wrong with somebody and I know Jo used to hurt herself too, I had a feeling that maybe she never stopped. And I was proven right.

Jess and Jo have dance together, in which they have to, obviously, get changed. I've soon realised Jo isn't as idiotic to cut on her arms since she almost never wears a cardigan or anything with long sleeves and if she did do it there, it would be extremely noticeable and would make people question her.

I knew Jo use to cut on her thighs, so every time Jess has dance I ask her to check for me to make sure she's still not doing it there. As I thought she was, and nobody not even Jess seemed to care which out of everything got to me the most.

She's her best friend, how can she not care?

I'm still trying to come up with a way to break it to Jo that for one I know and for two I care so much and I want to help her be happy and stop this because she deserves so much more. She deserves everything his world can give her and more than that and if only she saw how I saw her.

I just want to be with this girl so bad and treat her the way she should be treated. She's a princess and she tries so hard to hide how she feels and puts everyone before herself.

Anyway, I'm staying clean so I can focus on her being okay instead of me, and soon I'll start the conversation with her that could possibly make her open up. I mean, it's not exactly like she can turn around and say I'm making it all up? I'd never do that and I have proof she has.

I'd be seeing her in a few minutes, I was on my way to production, walking by myself since Kira decided to ditch me again today. I was already in a bad mood as it was, my shoes were killing me, I had the worst pain ever due to them being new shoes and giving me blisters.

I finally get to the door and open it looking through the window at the same time to see where a spare space to sit was. At the back, sat laura and Jo for the second time.

Jo had placed her bag on the seat where I usually sit and I couldn't figure if it was to prevent me sitting there or if she was saving my seat.

My question was answered when she saw me standing by the door as she smiles and waves at me, removing her bag and putting it on the floor. She was saving it.

Even the littlest of things can cause me to die I swear.

I walked to my chair and sat down throwing my bag on the floor. "You alright?" I smile at her, crossing my leg over the other under the table, getting into a comfy position if it were possible on these plastic hard chairs.

She smiles back at me, "Yeah I'm alright, you?" She replies simply.

"I'm good."

Laura doesn't say anything, I'm assuming because she was too busy talking to Kaylee who was sat at the computer near her. "I've got to go trace if we are carrying on with our design ideas and I'm going to go by the windows in the corridor, want to join me?" Jo exclaims moving her chair round to my side.

"Sure, I need to trace too, I just never get anything done out there to be honest," I joke, laughing slightly. She laughs too, "Oh my god, me too. Half the time I end up wandering up and down dodging the classrooms."