feel. → jacksepticeye

s e v e n t e e n

The next few days were quite somber. There was suddenly a feeling of emptiness between Jack and me, almost as if Signe had effectively wedged herself between the two of us and no matter how much I pushed her away, her scent still lingered. As far as I was concerned, I was unbreakable, Jack and I were unbreakable, but there's still that shadow of fear that lurks over me every night and steals what little sleep I seem to get nowadays.

It had been a year since I'd found out where Jack lived on the internet and almost a year since we'd started dating. Overall, the relationship was great. He was very romantic and spoiled me most of the time, and I'd do just the same for him. He told me he loved me daily, but now there was that slight dullness that told me he was just doing it out of habit, rather than of true love.

Fiddling with my fingers anxiously, I watched as the panel continued from the front row. Jack's eyes did not once glance at me, though they were occupied with exchanging quick, playful winks with a blushing Signe on the end of the row. Sure, you could call it friendly banter, but the warmth behind my eyes forced me to stand and rush out of the hall.

Jack's cheery voice cut off and Mark's immediately replaced it in a hurried tone, having probably noticed the dilemma yet not wanting to disappoint the fans so he forced the continuation.

I choked out a sob, my breath desperate and my eyes burning. 

I was losing him and I couldn't handle it.

* * *

"Hey. Where'd you run off to during the panel earlier? We almost stopped the whole thing because I was so worried." Jack said, walking through the hotel doors to find me scrolling through things on my laptop. I was scouring the internet to find something out about Signe, maybe something that would ruin her reputation or something that would be a sensitive spot for her. I closed my laptop gently and looked up at him, hoping that my eyes weren't red. "You look tired."

"Gee, thanks," I forced a playful smile and he grinned playfully. I pushed my smile down and looked at my hands, fumbling with the sleeves of my sweater. 

"What's going on with you?" Jack suddenly asked quietly, clicking the door shut behind him before stepping into the single ray of light that filtered in through the half-open curtains.

"Nothing," I brushed off, biting on my thumbnail anxiously. 

He sat down carefully on the end of my bed, looking down at his hands. "I feel as if you're distancing yourself from me."

"Sorry," I sighed. "I didn't realize."

"It's alright, I'm just worried about you. You are okay, aren't you? You're not getting a little... you know, again?" He questioned, gesturing with his hands as he tried to carefully choose his words. I hated when people trod egg shells around me.

"No, I'm good," I nodded my head eagerly, feeling the swell of emotion build up in my throat, but I swallowed it down. "Just really tired after this weekend. I'm not used to it, I suppose."

He nodded in agreement. "That makes sense. I was going to invite you out to have a meal with Mark and all that lot, but if you're really tired I suppose you should just sleep. I don't mind either way."

"I think I'll stay home," I nodded, looking down at my nails. "Just text me when you're on your way back or something, so if I don't reply you know I've fallen asleep."

"OK, sounds good," he buried his hands into his pockets and glanced at me. "I guess I'll be off, then. You sure you'll be okay on your own?" Jack questioned as he pushed himself off of the bed and onto his feet.

"Of course," I promised.

"OK. Goodbye; I love you," he said, his voice drifting across the room as I whispered a feeble response. 

"Do you?" 

"What was that?" He questioned, turning around quickly, his hand resting on the door handle in anticipation of leaving.

"I just said I love you too, silly. Now don't keep your friends waiting," I said, gesturing to the door before seeing him off with a smile. As soon as the door clicked shut and I heard the jingle of his keys in the lock, I pulled out my laptop and bit down on my lower lip.

My quick fingers worked along the keyboard swiftly and it wasn't long before I had multiple tabs open from the Google search of a simple name 'Signe'. Obviously, she didn't come up right away, but after a couple of hours of scouring through screenshots I'd saved of her and Jack's conversations, I'd managed to find a few things.

She was an artist. She drew relatively well, though her way of drawing wasn't really my style. Signe seemed quite connected to her anonymous fans on Tumblr, and I knew that of her interactions with them, they were probably many of the few people she ever spoke to.

Clingy, maybe? 

I took a couple of print screens of her page, making sure to suck the dregs of what information she'd leaked and score a couple of pictures too. 

I would make something out of this, and she would regret ever crossing me.

* * *

love sucks