The Light Behind Your Eyes (Gerard Way x Reader)

|| Chapter 9 ||

((time skip to end of school day, WARNING:this chapter may be triggering))

You walked out of the school and onto the playground, eyes scanning for Gerard or any of your other friends. You weren't watching where you were walking and bumped into another person. Looking up, you hoped t was Gerard, but it wasn't. It was a girl. She had long black hair, put into two ponytails on either side of her head. 'Watch where your going, freak!' She said. Her friend that stood behind her, also had a face almost as bitchy as the black haired girl, She said, 'Lindsey, why you being so nice to this peasant? shes a lot less than a freak' A shrill laughter came from both of the girls' lipglossed mouths. 'Wait...' said the black haired girl, who you know presumed was called Lindsey,'Arent you the girl we see walking around with that hottie Gerard Way?' Youre brows furrowed at the sound of another girl calling YOUR boyfriend a 'hottie'. You nodded and said, 'Yeah, he's my boyfriend...' Lindsey laughed. 'As if HE would date someone as ratty as YOU' She leaned in close to your face, 'But if he really is dating you, honey. He wont be for long' Lindsey shoved you back a couple of steps and walked off with her blondie Barbie friend.

What the fuck just happened. You stood there, In the middle of the playground, fists clenched at your sides and you were fuming. That brat, is going to try and take Gerard away from you. You turned around, and your stomach dropped at what you saw. Lindsey, was talking to Gerard. YOUR Gerard. Tears clouded your vision, as you saw he was laughing and joking with her. Lindsey hugged Gerard, and to your surprise, he hugged her back. A small sob escaped your lips as you ran home crying. Gerard was going to leave you for that perfect, pretty princess, you knew it. She was so much better than you, she was popular, pretty, had big boobs and wore flashy clothing.

Once you got home, you ran to the bathroom and locked yourself in it. Hot tears had washed away your makeup completely. You put your back against the door, and slid down so that you were sitting on the floor. For about 5 mins, you sat there, hands over you face, crying. Once your tears had slowed and stopped, you rested your arms on your knees. The scars were fading, and it kind of scared you. You had stopped cutting when Gerard told you he liked you, and when he asked you out. Pulling up your school skirt, you could also see the scars on your thighs were fading. You sniffed away the last of your tears and stood up. Your phone was ringing, but you ignored it. You didn't care who it was.

You went into the med cupboard and took out as many pills as you could, gulping tens of them without water. The hot tears streamed down your face again, but you didn't care. You unlocked the bathroom door and ran to your bedroom, you were home alone, but you didn't want to do this somewhere obvious. You grabbed a sharpener off your desk, smashed it on the floor and retrieved the blade. You sat in your wardrobe, holding the blade, seeing its soft, silver shine. You didn't do this for attention. You did this to balance out your emotional pain with physical pain.

Angling the blade, you slowly sliced your pale flesh. Crimson beads emerged from the cuts. With each slice you went deeper and deeper, your whole arm painted with crimson. You heard someone come through the front door of your house, but you didn't care. The pills were starting to take effect, your vision hazed and your head felt like cotton wool. '(y/n)?!' You heard someone shout through the house. There were more than one person running frantically around the house. 'Gerard? Check her room', 'On it!' That was Gerards voice. Gerard was here. But why?. He didn't care about you, he would rather hug that girl Lindsey than come over to you. The doors to your wardrobe opened, and through your blurred vision you saw Gerard. He looked like an angel. 'guys! she in here' he squatted next to you, pulling you out of the darkness of you wardrobe. You had blacked out, and the last thing you heard was Gerard whisper, 'Oh no...why?'.

You woke up in a hospital bed, wires and needles dotted up your arm, bandages covering where your cuts were. You looked up to the clock on the wall. 2:35am. It was dark in your room, except for the tiny lamp sitting in the corner. Looking to your left, there was a chair, with a person sitting in it, asleep. Was it your mom? No. Dad? not him either. You decided to observe the look of this person. It was a dude, you knew that. He had shoulder length black hair and...oh. It was Gerard. You tried to call him name, but it came out in a hoarse whisper. He didn't move, you tries calling his name again, this time it came out as a clear word. Gerard bolted upright, looked around the room then set his eyes upon you. He ran over to you, standing next to the bed, holding your hand. Once again, his skin was rough, and again, it was nice. '(y/n), oh my god, I thought...I thought' Tears built up on his eyes as he pulled your hand up to he forehead, sniffing away the tears he said, 'but its okay, youre okay' The words were barely audible, but you heard them. 'Uhm' The words croaked for your mouth, 'Are you okay?' You asked him, placing your free hand on his cheek forcing him to face you. 'Me? yeah I'm fine' Gerard said sarcastically.

'I'm not o-fucking-kay (y/n)' His eyes locked with yours, instead of love swarming in his eyes, there was pure guilt and hatred. 'You nearly fucking died! And its all my fault' He let go of your hand and sat back down in the chair. His elbows rested on his knees and his hands were cradling his own face. 'No, Gerard, I'm sorry...' You start, 'It wasn't your fault, it was mine, I was the one that did this to myself, I was the one that got jealous when you was with that Lindsey bitch, I am the one that's deeply in love with you...I-I'm so sorry' Your voice cracked at the end of your speech, tears blurring up your eyes, you rolled over onto your side, facing away from Gerard.

You heard him get up out of his seat and crawl onto the bed. He lay next to you, holding you close, his warm breath washing over the back of your neck. You turned over to face him, and his eyes were closed. 'Psst...Gerard?' You said, but you got no reply, you thought he mustve fallen back to sleep. 'I love you' You said, closing your eyes and falling asleep in the warmth of Gerards arms.