When You Left Me

She's Not Ready

( Larry )

I could see how desperate my twin was. Jasmine was the love of his life and he didn't know how to handle her being gone. It broke my heart and soul to watch my brother damn near destroy himself. It was like the first year after graduation all over again. I wanted nothing more for him to be happy again and he was getting there. But I knew that Jasmine wasn't ready to see him as he was to see her. I never told Laurent that I had got a letter from Jasmine a few months back. She had apologized to me and my family for what she was putting Laurent through but she had promised it was because she was getting help. She also said that she didn't want Laurent to look for her, that she would return when her mental state was stable and she could live a normal life. The letter didn't tell me where she was nor did it have a return address on it. I couldn't lie and say I didn't miss her, hell I missed her everyday but this was something she was doing for herself and I wanted it for her. I took Laurent's phone from him, "Cancel that ticket to Florida Eleni, and I want you to schedule some more workshops and performances, at least for a month straight. I don't want any of them in Florida or even close to it. Thank you." Laurent watched me with horrified eyes as I broke his phone. Before I could react, Laurent punched me so hard that I fell on the floor. "What the fuck Larry?! Why would you do that?! You know how difficult it's been for me without her! Why are you interfering?!" I got up from the floor, wiping the blood from my lip. I got a bottle of water from the mini bar and took a sip. I sat down on the bed and just looked at my livid twin. "She isn't ready to see you Laurent. You're just going to go there and end up finding her and then you're going to be the reason why she has another mental breakdown. Let her be until SHE'S ready Lau. I know you miss her but going after her won't do Jasmine any favors. She obviously did this so she can heal, not only for you but for her too. Stop chasing and let her be. Let her become the person she wants to be, not the husk of a mentally broken woman." Laurent deflated and just sat on the floor, tears flowing freely down his face. "I just want to hold her again Larry. I don't feel whole with her gone. I miss her...." I got up and sat next to my brother. I rested my head against his, "I know Lau, but she needs this. And so do you. So we will continue to dance and she will continue to heal. I'm positive that when the time is right, you both will find each other again." Laurent just leaned into me, tears streaks down his face and said okay.

( Jasmine )

I tucked Jason and Jonathan into their beds and read them a story until they fell asleep. Their nurse knocked gently on the opened door, "Miss Raynes, it's time for lights out in the halls." I nodded my head and got up. I smiled at the boys sleeping faces and walked back to my room. I laid down and saw that there were letters on my desk. I shuffled through them, all of them basically from Waydi. My chest clenched but I calmed myself down, taking deep breaths. I would have to tell the nurses to make sure to ignore any letters from him. I tossed the letters back into the desk when I noticed one that said Aida Raynes. What the hell was my mom doing sending me a letter? And how the fuck did she know where I was? I fought with myself on whether to open the letter or not but my curiosity won out in the end. I ripped the envelope open and took out the yellow colored paper. I leaned on the headboard and read it.
Dear Jasmine,
I know that we have had our differences in the past and that I failed you as a mother. I took out all my anger on you and I was wrong for that. I saw in you everything that I was and couldn't accept it. I'm not looking for forgiveness or for you to miraculously love me, but I am hoping you will come and see me. I am dying Jasmine and I just want to see all my children before I go. You don't even have to stay, just pop up and see your siblings one more time. When I heard you were in rehab, I knew that you truly had been like me. I had heard voices as well and they never left. You are stronger than me Jasmine, you always have been. So I don't doubt that you can get better unlike me. I just pray that you will come see me so that we may speak and get everything out before I leave this world,
Love,
Mom.

I didn't know how to react. Was I to cry or rejoice? I felt guilty for that but I couldn't stop the thought. My mother had been horrid to me my whole life and now she was asking me to speak with her before she died. I did miss my brothers and sisters whom I haven't seen in years. Maybe I could get some answers to why none of them ever looked for me. I decided to go. I would get permission to leave in the morning and then I would visit them. I said a silent prayer for strength then laid down to sleep. Maybe it was time to finally put the rest of the jagged pieces of my life back together.

( End Chapter )