When You Left Me

A mothers worst fears

Jasmine

It took some work to open my eyes, since they felt like they were full of lead. I felt funny, like my body was light and sort of floaty. I tried to lift my hand to my stomach but it didn't respond. What was going on? A movement in the corner caught my attention. It was a nurse, she seemed so tired like she been up all day and night. She looked up from her clipboard and when she saw my eyes open, she left out the door.

"Listen to me voice. Why do I feel so empty? What happened to me?" There was no answer. Oh, so it only spoke when the time benefitted it. I wondered why the twins weren't kicking. Generally whenever I would first wake up from any kind of sleep, they would be active as hell. Why weren't they now? Panic started to rise and I begged my hands to go to my stomach.

Why couldn't I move? Why couldn't I feel my babies? I could feel the confused haze taking over me when I heard the door squeak open. The same nurse who left walked back in, this time with Laurent and Larry at her heels. Larry looked so tired while Laurent seemed dead like. He walked in so slowly and reluctantly. My love for him made me want to reach out and heal that hurt on his face. But instead I asked the question nagging me, begging to be answered.

"Laurent, where are our babies?" His eyes seemed to go even more lifeless as his sobs rocked his body. My heart frozen with fear begged me to try again to reach for my stomach. My hands finally cooperated and when they rested on my stomach, I went numb.

"Why is my stomach flat? Where are my babies?!" I was hyperventilating, my asthma kick starting. Larry said something but I didn't hear him.

"Darling, you already know. You felt the disconnection as soon as your eyes opened. Do not blame the French Boy. He will do that enough." Silent tears fell down my face. Even I could hear the numbness in my voice when I spoke to the nurse.

"Are they dead? Are my babies gone?" Her soft yes, I'm sorry didn't help. I inhaled a breath, it hurt like my chest was full of smoke. I didn't realize I was coughing so bad that the nurse grabbed the nebulizer, forcing the mask on my mouth. I sucked in the air, still crying so it was like I was sucking in water. Larry came to my side and begged me to breathe. I tried but my heart wasn't into it. Laurent gently moved Larry out the way, taking his spot.

"Jasmine, I know it hurts. I know that you feel broken and destroyed but baby I need you to breathe. Please Jasmine, please don't do this to me. I can't lose you, I've already lost your heart I don't want you to lose your life baby please. Please..." I pushed my pain down and heartbreak down, trying to focus on breathing. When I calmed down and the nurse deemed me okay, she removed the nebulizer and said she will send the doctor in to speak with me. Larry took my hand and squeezed, kissing the palm. I heard him say I love you ma soeur. Then he left after saying something into Laurent's ear. Laurent nodded slowly. With just me and Laurent on the room, I spoke but in a quiet whisper.

"Why? Why are my babies gone Laurent?"

" I had no choice petit fluer, the doctor said it was either you or them. I chose you."

"Why?! Why not them Laurent?! They deserved to live damnit! They were only babies, they had a full life to live!"

" I know, but what's a life without their mother? How would I have explained to them, that the reason their mother wasn't here was because their father let her die? I couldn't Jasmine, I only had known about them for a few hours while I have loved you for years. There was no other choice for me.."

"What's the point in saving me out of love, when I would do nothing but hate you?" Laurent's depression now was damn near palpable, but he didn't flinch.

"At least you are alive to hate me. A world without you isn't a world worth living in." I stayed quiet, the grief over everything too much. Did I hate him? Maybe. My mind told me I should while my heart was fighting that decision.

"Now now darling, hating him would be wrong. French boy was never told about the twins. You know yourself how wrong you were in not telling him. You also know how much he wanted children. If he chose you over them, does that not show how important you are?" Why was the voice on Laurent's side? It used to constantly mock me over how he never wanted me and that French girl was a better fit. So why the fuck did it defend him now?!

I felt so drained, I didn't think I could cry anymore tears. Laurent was praying in French , his words broken and he was stuttering slightly. I just felt so empty. I just wanted to die, be with my babies.

"I knew you would hate me but I don't regret my decision Jasmine. I also won't leave your side despite how hard you push me. I will be here even when you don't want me. No more running and no more hiding from what I feel. You won't love me but I will love you." There was a determination in Laurent's voice. Where was that when I needed it? I wanted to block him out but I jut couldn't. He sounded so pained. Maybe time would help me with these emotions. The doctor came in, disturbing me from my thoughts.

"Hello Ms.Raynes, I am Doctor Harris. How are you feeling?"

"Empty."

" I apologize for your loss Ms.Raynes. As a father myself, I don't know how I would react to a situation such as this. I just want to run a few tests on you to make sure you're physically healthy. Now, if you wil-"

"I want to see my babies." I cut the doctor off with no remorse.

"Are you sure?" That was Laurent's voice. I turned my head to him.

"Either I see my babies or you get the hell out my life." Laurent sighed, a sad depressing sound.

"Very well petite. Dr.Harris, if you will."

" Okay, I will have the nurse bring a wheelchair for Ms.Raynes and then I will escort you to the morgue." I started to cry all over again at the word. How was I suppose to live again, without them in my life?

End Chapter

The pain of losing ones child must be excruciating. I hope you guys are still enjoying the story despite the depressing latest chapters. I promise storms will pass.